The Curse
by Restina Lovebug
Summary: -Complete- MPREG!!! If squick- GET AWAY!!! Snape gets cursed by Voldemort, and a young man has to come to terms with his destiny.
1. Default Chapter

The Curse.   
  
He carried a secret, probably more dangerous than anything he had ever encountered in his whole miserable life. This curse would truly destroy him, there was no doubt about that. And there was nothing he could do about it. But in spite of the pain and suffering, of the torment and anguish caused by this secret, he loved it. And that was what would evidently destroy him in the end.  
  
He had wandered down the dark path so many times over the past years and this last time wouldn't be any different. Or so he had thought. In the final battle between light and dark he had chosen his side years ago, but he had hidden his betrayal well. And his master had had no clue what so ever until the very end. And who would have thought that in the very same moment his master drew his last shaking breath of air he would also cry out the very spell that would destroy his betraying servant more thoroughly than any cruciatus-spell? He would rather have died than this. Death would have been easy. Sadly, so had thought his master, Voldemort.  
  
And now he was caught in this hell, this condition he couldn't see any way out of. He was carrying the very thing that would destroy his image of a cold and nasty, middle-aged man, the horrible potions teacher who above all loathed and resented one, the Boy Who Lived. No one knew this couldn't have been further from the truth. But when this was to be revealed everybody would hate him even more. The slimy, nasty and filthy beast of a man had a craving he had tried to keep hidden under his cold appearance and hush words. But in the end he was nothing more than a pitiful creature, a disgusting vulture.  
  
*-*  
  
Sometimes, when two wizards meet, an invisible bond grows between them, tying them, linking their souls till the ends of times and even beyond. This had happened one night at Hogwarts, some 6 years ago, as Severus Snape had got his first glimpse of the boy the whole wizard-world knew and cherished. He knew it instantly, and he knew how wrong he was to even think about it. Fate had made a screw up somewhere in the system, it had matched him with a boy younger by twenty years! So he had become the boys protector.   
  
And as much as it pained him he had kept his distance from the boy for both their sakes. The boy and the world could never know his true feelings, and neither could his master. His love was pure, he would never intentionally hurt the boy, and he had no craving for young boys in general. If only he had been ten years younger or the boy ten years older. But now he had to try and destroy instead of trying and building what was written in the stars of the future. A man grows tired trying to rid himself of such a fate. He even risks loosing his own soul, denying it. But how could he not? He was no monster!!!  
  
And now the whole world was about to collapse around its very existence. He had no protection any more, he was naked and even in more danger than when his deadly master was still alive. Voldemort had cursed him with the very love that possessed his body. With an ancient spell he had made Severus more vulnerable than what a thousand disarming spells could have done. It was as simple as it was cruel, cursing him with something Severus never would have the heart of getting rid of himself, no matter how great the cost.  
  
*-*  
  
He'd grown tired and weary of fighting. As a death eater he had had to do unspeakable things in order to stay in Voldemort's inner circle. It was the only way to get the job done, but Severus could feel he had lost a little bit of his soul every time his wand had done something for the side of darkness. It was for the cause, he would tell him self, but still it hurt. Still he was coming home at night feeling numb and with a growing sensation of despair. He had gained back his old master's trust soon enough, but the things he had to do to prove it... if he could, he would have cried. Instead, he had nightmares. Black, horrible nightmares reminding him what he was doing, supposedly for the good cause. The terrible death eater would scream like a frightened child in his bed, knowing only too well he had to keep on the charade. He had to wait for the right moment. And then he would strike like a venomous snake, and he would strike to kill.  
  
The last and final battle had left many scars. And on that horrid night, when the future of the world was balancing on a knife's edge, Severus showed his true colours. He had seemed faithful until the end. His master trusted him with his life, a mistake he would truly regret for what little time was granted to him. Severus played his part well. He was a death eater, the most horrifying of them all- protecting his master. On top of it all Severus was slowly steering his master towards the forbidden forest. Finally this evil creature would get what he deserved and Severus' soul was aching for it with burning desire. But then suddenly the situation had taken a spin Severus hadn't foreseen. At the very edge of the Forbidden Forrest Harry Potter had plunged forward, wand raised to attack his parents' murderer. An evil sneer appeared on Voldemort's inhuman face as he yelled the very curse that had killed the young man's parents.  
  
"Avada Kedavra!" Time slowed down, Severus saw it all in slow motion, heard his own desperate voice screaming a countercurse that hit Potter in the chest and sent him flying backwards and into a tree. The sparkling green curse missed him by a few centimetres. Voldemort turned towards his unfaithful servant with a furious roar. Once more he raised his wand, this time Severus was the target. But before he even could open his mouth a new sparkle of bright green shot through the air, hitting the ghostlike man in the stomach. Any normal human being would have hit the ground dead as a herring. But Voldemort had stopped being "normal" many years ago. The curse still was deadly, his heart slowed down, his blood stopped flowing around in his veins, but with his final gasps of breath he raised his wand one last time as a horrifying sneer appeared on his face.  
  
"Legravata Simouron!" A bright red light hit Severus in the chest and sent him staggering backwards with Voldemort's laughter ringing in his ears. But then the laughter turned to fury and a dawning realisation appeared in the dying man's eyes.  
  
"You... and Potter!! So you're gonna steal.. my future.. from me too.." Severus doubled over in pain as a staggering sensation ripped through his stomach. He had many wounds from the last few days' fighting, but this pain was worse than anything he had imagined. But he raised his head so that he could see his master in the eyes as he died. He wanted to see the fear and despair in the foul creature's eyes. Sadly Voldemort didn't grant him that pleasure.  
  
"Have.. a shining.. future... with your soul.. mate, Severus! I see it in you... it's already.. growing.." Finally his heart stopped beating and the old man collapsed on the ground, dead. Severus staggered towards Harry Potter. The young man was laying beside the tree, face down. His body was aching and he was sure it was due to the curse cast on him seconds ago. Lagravata Simouron.. this was a curse he'd never heard of before, but he was sure he would suffer plenty from it. It had been cast by Voldemort after all. He knelt beside the passed out man beside the tree and rolled him over on his back. Beautiful overheroic Potter. He lifted the man and carried him back to Hogwarts. By the gate of the school he was hit in the back of his head with something heavy and passed out. As he'd been pretending to be Voldemort's servant he had as many enemies as his master. He woke up in the medical wing three days later, suffering from a bad contusion and numerous bruises and cuts, ironically inflicted to him by the very people he was protecting. If it hadn't been for Harry Potter waking up a few minutes after Severus had been knocked down, the angry attackers would probably have killed Severus in cold blood. Some heroes welcome...  
  
His name had been evidently cleared and the Daily Prophet had even wrote a few lines about him. Severus slowly recovered and returned to work a month later. It was first when he went down to his private quarters that night that he remembered the curse cast on him on that faithful night four weeks ago. Legravata Simouron.. He should be dead. So why wasn't he? What curse could possibly be worse than the ones stopping your heart from beating? Severus got a worried frown on his face as he hurried to the school library to find out.  
  
The book fell to the floor with a loud bang. Severus clutched a hand at his chest as he staggered down the rows of bookshelf trying to find the way out, panic ringing in his ears. He knew what was worse than death...  
  
*-*  
  
Now, he tried to act his old self, but his snide and spitting remarks had no longer the sharp edge and his furious and intimidating looks were reduced to the tired and weary face of a man loosing a battle. Most people thought this was lord Voldemort who'd finally scared some sense into him at last. He could even trace pity in some people's faces, and that's what scared him more than anything. He deserved no pity.  
  
He had thought of leaving it all behind, of course, but here the sheer genius of Voldemort's last spell showed itself at its fullest. He couldn't leave even if he tried. Fate had woven too tight a net for him to escape. He had only to wait for the day it all would be revealed and the boy, who today had become a young man, would know the destiny set before him. Of course Severus had destroyed every chance of this relationship ever growing and evolving toward something beautiful and cherished. The boy had grown resentful and loathing to the man the stars had set out to be his soul mate.   
  
He didn't know the true Snape, and who was to say if Snape could ever shatter the image he so carefully had built over the last twenty years as a spy. No one knew the kindness that lived inside him, in fact not even Severus did. He had played his role to the fullest, and this would prove to be at a greater cost than he would have ever imagined. The only man who knew part of Severus' history and charade was Albus Dumbledore. His trust and help through the years were the only thing that had kept Severus sane. But even Albus couldn't help him with this... no one could. Like a rabbit caught in a snare, Severus was waiting for the end.  
  
*-*  
  
Time for double potions with last year Gryffindors and Slytherins. Five months had passed since the last and final battle, which had led to the Dark Lord's fall. A lot of things had changed since then. For one, no one doubted any longer on which side Severus was. He had suffered some great losses and had been badly hurt in the battle against his old master. He had even needed a whole month in the hospital wing to recover. Not that anyone had missed him or anything. Even if he had received flowers and a visit from the young man his heart so secretly desired. He had saved his life once more and of course the young man was well aware of that. But the visit had ended as raptly as it had begun. Instead of showing the young man how much he had cherished the visit, he more or less had thrown him out of the room, screaming that he needed rest. The final nail in the coffin.  
  
Amongst the Slytherin students some had fallen to the dark path of lord Voldemort. Crabbe and Doyle would end their lives screaming like infants in the dark halls of Azkaban. Draco Malfoy had turned to the light at the last minute, loosing both his parents in the process. Indeed there had been great losses and many broken families. Add to that the fact that the Slytherins had to live with the stamp of being untrustworthy carved on their forehead. Many who had fought on the dark lord's side had claimed they had been forced to do so, being caught under the imperius-spell. No one believed them, though. There were still many wounds that needed mending, but still life had to go on.  
  
He looked down the rows of students, wishing he were back in his private quarters, in his bed. A cold sweat appeared on his forehead revealing to the students that it would be another excruciating two hours with a sick teacher pretending everything was just fine. In an earlier class he had been seconds away from vomiting all over the place before the bell rang. He had managed to keep it together though, as during many lessons before this one. He had been hoping the nausea had just been the flue, but now it had lasted more than three months and Severus was no longer able to hide it. He was paler than ever and had to take breaks during his lessons, something he'd never done before. Both students and teachers could plainly see that something was going on, but if anyone asked him Severus would blow them off, telling them he was just fine. He'd even heard there was a rumour travelling around about him being bulimic. He only hoped they would stick to that conclusion.  
  
Hermione had been pestering him for a long time about how pale and tired he was looking. And sure enough, there it was, her hand flying up in the air- this lesson would be no exception. He simply nodded with a slight frown on his forehead, trying to look intimidating.  
  
"Professor, Snape- you look sick. Don't you think you should be in bed resting?" Her voice was barely reaching his ears, she obviously knew what response she would get.  
  
"I'm fine, Miss Granger! How amusing it ever is, the way you worry about my health in every single class, I'm getting tired about your pestering! Ten points off Gryffindor!"  
  
Low growls could be heard from the rows of angry Gryffindors. Maybe she had got the message this time, but he doubted it. That girl cared too much about his wellbeing. He suddenly caught the eye of Harry Potter. The young man, eighteen years old, his soul mate. His eyes were burning with rage as always when one of his kind was stepped on. A smirk curled Severus' lip and made him look truly sadistic for a second. What a life he'd made for himself! He was one of few, destined for great love, and instead of claiming what was rightfully his he'd done something decent for a change, he'd let the boy be.  
  
Even despite the fact that the boy would have loved him, even from young age, Severus had set him free. He was no monster. But now the clock was ticking, his clothes getting tighter and Harry was soon to face the nightmare of his life. By Harry's side sat Ron Weasly, his sidekick and best friend who looked as angry as Harry.  
  
"I don't know why you bother Mione, he's just not worth it!" It had just been a low growl, never intended for the professor's ears, but Ron wasn't aware his teacher had no problem with reading lips. His stomach turned. A wave of nausea ran through him and Severus had to grab the edge of his desk not to fall down.  
  
"Indeed, Weasly!" he gulped as the room started to spin around him: "I'm not worth it." No! He had to keep it back! Severus braced himself and closed his eyes for a second.  
  
"Professor.. are you all right?" It was Potter's voice. He sounded concerned.  
  
"I'm. I'm fine.. I tell you!" Severus barked and lost the last of his control. He vomited all over the floor behind his desk. All became a blur. He knew nothing but shame as he heard Ron getting rid of the other students while Hermione and Harry came to help him. Somehow they got him to his private quarters and to bed. He couldn't catch a word of what they were saying, to ashamed of himself to care about anything but his self loathing at the moment. He'd lost control in front of a class! And of all classes, the class with Harry Potter in it! How he was to survive the next four months was beyond him. And after that.. Severus closed his eyes and tried to shut it all out. 


	2. The Curse, part 2

Part 2  
A call to Albus' office. Severus was sweating by the thought. Obviously people were starting to get worried about him, weirdly enough. Even Ron had stepped forward and apologised for his remark some days ago. And Severus knew that had to have hurt! He'd even received a couple of anonymous get well-cards while he'd been hiding away in his quarters too ashamed to show his miserable old self. Hagrid had sent him some cakes that was supposed to help against nausea, but Severus severely doubted cookies hard as rocks would do his stomach any good at the moment. And now Albus had sent for him.   
  
This was not good. He'd never been a good liar faced with Albus' wise eyes. The headmaster was waiting for him in front of the secret entrance to his office and private quarters. Severus followed him without a sound and settled himself in one of the comfortable armchairs in front of Dumbledore's desk. Albus sat down behind the desk, his kind blue eyes fixed upon him in a curious gaze.  
  
"How are you doing today, Severus?" he asked kindly and smiled like a grandfather with his grandson on his lap.  
  
"I'm fine.thanks," Severus answered. And that was true. He wasn't feeling sick at the moment.  
  
"Good, that's good," Albus said and smiled once more. Then his eyes got serious and Severus knew what had to come.  
  
"You've been looking tired lately, Severus. Many have come to me and uttered their concern, especially after that little.. incident down in the dungeons.. You nearly got killed fivemonths ago, and I have to say I still feel Voldemort's presence in some way on you, a curse maybe. Are you sure he didn't cast any spells on you?"  
  
The kindness in his eyes, Severus didn't know how to stand it.  
  
"No, there were no curses." Severus answered flatly: "I guess I'm just experiencing some nasty side-effects of the medicine I've been taking lately, for the pain in my back." Of course he wasn't taking any medicine, his back had mended perfectly, but he was the only one who knew that. Albus nodded.  
  
"Yes, maybe that's it. I really think you should consider trying a new medicine, Severus."  
  
"I have," Severus lied: "The others didn't help my back nearly as much and I couldn't catch a wink of sleep all night. I think I'll just stick with this one for now, maybe it will wear off." Dumbledore still looked a bit concerned.  
  
"You will tell me if there's something troubling you Severus?" he looked almost vulnerable and Severus felt a twinge of guilt.  
  
"Of course, Albus," he answered, not meeting the old wizards gaze.  
  
"Ah good! Now, you know you don't have to force yourself to work on the days you're feeling sick, right? I don't want you killing yourself for my sake, Severus!" Albus said with a spark in his eye before he brightened up in a big cheery smile.  
  
"So! What do you think about the Christmas-decorations?"  
  
"I. think they are coming along nicely.. Sir." Severus loathed himself for deceiving the only man who'd ever trusted him.  
  
  
*-*  
  
Christmas. Severus Snape woke for once not feeling nauseous. Maybe he was over the worst now. He'd felt almost normal for three long, blessed days.   
Today all he had on his schedule was the meals. He dreaded meeting all the cheery teachers and the few students who were staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. Harry Potter was staying, of course, as he did every year and Severus was pretty sure his best friend, Ron, would stay too. Well, who cared anyway! He could survive four lousy meals. He knew he was being watched so he might as well eat now while he wasn't puking all over the place.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry and Ron came down for breakfast dressed in their newly knitted sweaters. Ron wasn't all too fond of the idea, but Harry had convinced him after a round of exploding snaps. Harry was happier than he had felt for ages. This was the first Christmas he had nothing to worry about. Lord Voldemort had finally been defeated, but who would have thought Snape would be the one finishing him off! The slimy potion master had finally proved trustworthy to the entire wizarding-society and even Ron had to admit the old professor had shown some stamina, luring his old master into a deadly trap.   
  
Or.. well, to claim he had no worries any more what so ever would be an exaggeration. Harry had grown to be a tall and handsome young man, making many girls' heart beat a little faster as he went by. Weirdly enough he hadn't found the girl right for him yet. He once had a crush on Cho, a Rawenclaw-girl, but that never evolved to anything. Since then he'd been searching, but every time he thought this was the right girl for him he was mistaken once again. And lately he'd been fussing about Snape, his former fiend and hate object number one. There was something odd going on with the Potions Master. He looked sick and tired, the new Snape was a grey and bad reflection of the old Master of the Dungeons.  
  
As he and Ron sat down by the Gryffindor table the very Snape came swooshing in by a side-door, taking his place at the teachers' table. He looked better than he had in weeks... yes, months even. Some colour seemed to have found its way back to the professor's pale cheeks. Harry didn't know why he'd been fussing so much about the professor's wellbeing lately. It was probably because the professor had saved his life and nearly died doing so. Harry watched as Snape started to eat, a sight he hadn't seen for weeks. So his appetite had returned, good! Weirdly Snape didn't look like he had been vomiting for months. As a matter of fact, he looked well fed, especially round his stomach, but his face was showing signs of weight loss as his cheekbones had grown more and more intimidating over the last few weeks. But now he seemed to be eating again and Harry felt a strange relief.  
  
"Hey Harry," Ron whispered at his side: "I heard a really good one from Remy, the Ravenclaw over there, today!"  
  
"Oh?" Harry turned his gaze from his potions teacher back to Ron who was basically sniggering: "Well tell me then!" he said, looking impatient.  
Ron chuckled:   
  
"Remy told me he'd found out why professor Snape has been acting so odd lately, you know- the puking, his weird moods, the very fact that his clothes are getting to small.."  
  
"And that would be..." Harry raised an eyebrow although he knew it had to be something completely off.  
  
"He's pregnant off course!" Ron proclaimed in a triumphant, too loud voice.  
Harry was about to laugh him off, and beg him to be quieter in case Snape actually heard them, but the loud scraping of a chair took his mind off that, long enough to see a grave white faced Snape stagger out the same side door he'd appeared from minutes earlier. He caught his eyes for just a second, and the terror and fear screaming at him from the black eyes of the potions master made him jump in his chair.  
  
"Oh shit! Do you think he heard me??" Ron gasped.  
  
"Heard you?? The whole fucking hall heard you!" Harry yelled and rose from his chair, too angry and afraid to even realise the weirdness of it. Why was he reacting to this? He'd feared and loathed Snape ever since he had come to Hogwarts. Around the hall a choir of mumbling rose as the few remaining students were wondering openly and loudly why Snape had left in such a hurry. Harry had to get away. He ran out of the hall, Ron yelling behind him:  
  
"I didn't mean it, Harry! I didn't mean it! Don't be so upset!" But Harry was already on his way down the stairs heading for the dungeon, heart throbbing painfully in his chest. He couldn't forget the image of Snape fleeing, the look in his eyes. Like a scared child who'd just had his secret revealed.  
  
*-*  
  
The pain in his chest wouldn't let go. Severus tried to calm his breathing to stop from hyperventilating, but there was no use. The scene he just had created! He heard Ron utter the words "He's pregnant" and so he just flipped. He had to get away no matter the cost, there was no way he would survive if he had to sit through the rest of that breakfast. And the look on Potter.. Severus just wanted to lie down and die. A soft knock on his door.  
  
"Professor Snape, can I come in?" Potter. Severus shivered as the drums of doom painfully banged in his head. He didn't answer, hoping the boy, no the man, would go away. But the knocking continued.  
  
"Go away!" Severus growled and backed into the corner of his office.  
  
"No, sir. I need to talk to you!" Potter answered from behind the door. And then the door opened. Severus had forgotten to lock it in his haste.  
  
"I told you to leave!" Severus screamed as Harry Potter entered the room. He was growing even more handsome by the day, even in that dreadful, knitted sweater. The very sight of him made Severus' heart ache. He had to look mentally unstable hiding in a corner like this, with a foul grimace on his face, but he didn't care. He just wanted Potter to be out the door, to leave him alone.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry was stunned by the vision that met him. Snape looked mad, his face wrenched with a mix of rage and fear, trapped in a corner as if he was trying to back away.   
  
"Severus... what's wrong?" Carefully, he stepped inside the room, not knowing if it was wise. But he couldn't leave the man like this, he looked like he was able to hurt himself. The man in front of him was hiding his face in the shadows, bending like an old man, breathing rapidly.  
  
"Please... just go.." Snape's voice dropped to a bare whisper.  
  
"No," said Harry calmly: "Not until you tell me what's wrong."  
  
"I can't," the answer came slowly: "I'm a decent human being. Or at least I like to think so." Harry felt puzzled. What did Snape mean by that?  
  
"At least let me help you lie down," Harry urged, worried the trembling man in front of him would pass out and crash to the floor. He walked across the room and lay his hand gently on Snape's back. The touch sent shivers through the older man's body, but he didn't try to back away. Harry made Snape lean on his shoulder and for the second time in nearly a week he helped his potions master to bed. He was pale and sweating, his eyes filled with something Harry had never seen before in Snape's eyes: defeat.  
  
"I wish you could tell me what's bothering you," Harry told him: "If it was that stupid remark Ron made.."  
  
"Please Potter, I've already lost my dignity... just leave me alone.. I'm not worth your efforts." Harry gasped as he stared into the saddest face he'd ever seen. The hurt this man was going through seemed to be beyond anything Harry had ever encountered, and that pained him deeply, playing his cord of Gryffindor empathy. And he looked down on Severus' stomach, saw how the fabric of his clothes was starting to stretch. The impossible wasn't possible, was it?? Harry had been part of the wizarding society for six and a half years now, but he'd never heard of anything remotely like this. He lay a trembling hand on his teacher's stomach, half expecting Snape to rip his arm off its socket, but he lay still like stone.  
  
"Are.. Are you.. preg.." He couldn't even finish the sentence, it was too ludicrous. A sudden movement made Harry jerk his hand away as if he was bitten. Did he just feel Snape's stomach move??  
  
"I am with... child.. yes." The answer was a nearly silent whisper.  
  
"But how." Harry gaped, looking so startled his eyes were bulging over the top of his glasses.  
  
"Cursed by Voldemort." Snape closed his eyes, looking ashamed.  
  
"Does anyone know?" Harry tried to hold back the strike of panic swinging by his brain.  
  
"Just you." Snape answered, toneless.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry lay in his bed that night, not able to fall asleep. Before he'd left the broken man he had promised not to reveal his secret no matter what. This was none of Harry's business, he should carry on as if this never had happened. But all the questions in Harry's brain forbade him from getting as much as a wink of an eye. Impregnated by a curse and keeping it secret. But for how long? He was already starting to show, and when the time was up, then what? Snape couldn't stay in that condition forever. And how would he.. Harry groaned and turned violently in his bed. How could he pretend this had never happened?  
  
*-*  
  
In another place in the castle that night, down in the very dungeons,   
Severus Snape was clenching his fists not to cry out in agony. Tonight Harry had touched him, and that touch was probably the nearest their child would ever get from its second father. Sure he could keep the baby's father a secret until it was born, but then.. If not others could piece it together he knew at least Albus Dumbledore would. And either way the headmaster would order a parental test, and a simple scan would reveal the second father's identity. He reckoned they would expect the second father to be Voldemort and that he had chosen Severus as his mate in one last attempt to continue his legacy. And think of the horror and shock on all their faces when they would discover the true father. Severus suddenly realized that in some way his unbreakable bond to Harry was the very thing that had saved him from bearing his old master's evil child. Because of the bond between his and Harry's souls Severus was able to carry none other than Harry's child. Voldemort had discovered this mere seconds before he had died and therefore had settled for the next best thing, the destruction of his former slave.  
  
As he lay there in agony his mind drifted to the memory of an early september night in 1992, the night his life had changed. The very first time he laid his eyes on Harry Potter Severus was sure his heart would stop. Never had he felt urges so strong rushing through his body and mind at the very moment he looked at a young teenage boy getting ready for his sorting. His soul screamed with longing and it reached out for the boy as he sat down at the Gryffindoor-table. And as he met the boy's gaze... He forgot everything else around him, he lost track of the conversation he had with Professor Krengle, the hall with hundreds of students, the teachers, the world. All he could see was two emerald green eyes that owned his soul and heart. This couldn't be true! No, it had to be a mistake! He wasn't falling in love with an eleven years old boy, for god's sake- he was not a pervert! But every second he felt the presence of the stranger, he knew more surely that his life was now changed forever. The boy who lived was his soul mate. And he didn't even believe this mumbo jumbo about soul mates! He didn't dare look at the boy any more during the meal. He was fighting the fight of his life, suppressing the urge to claim his soul mate the way he was meant to. In his head a mad picture of him lunging himself at the poor boy, consummating their faith on the very Griffindoor-table with shocked children and teachers as spectators spun around and around. He should have expected something like this. The Fates had let him be for too long now, he was almost settled down, getting his life back. And now this had to happen. When would mother fortune ever give him a fucking break??!  
  
When he went down to his private quarters that night he felt half insane with lust and despair. He was so aroused he couldn't sit still and he was so ashamed of himself that he blushed. For god's sake, show some nerve, some stamina! Stop fretting, forget the boy! But his mind refused to let go. For both the boy and his own safety he sealed his door with an unbreakable spell. This would keep the door locked until tomorrow morning and hopefully his craving had let go by then. The night that followed was long and painful.   
  
When two soul mates bond they tie the very last ribbon by a leap of faith. They don't say a word, just join hands and go to the very first place suited to consummate a heavenly wedding. This comes natural to the both of them, it's imprinted in their hearts, they just know it is the right thing to do. And Severus knew the young boy would love him if he let him. But how could he? He was only a boy, still too young to be bonded! He cried out in anger and despair, threw himself at the door, cursing everything around him. The next thing he knew he was helping himself off with the throbbing sensation in his crotch as pictures of sparkling green eyes flashed before his mind. He came with a desperate growl as he fell to his knees, knowing he had only one choice. He had to deny his lust, his fate and to do that he had to do the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. He had to show his one true love he meant nothing to him. 


	3. The Curse, part 3

It suddenly dawned to me I've not taken the time to add a disclaimer to this story, so I'll just go ahead and do it now! :)  
  
Disclaimer: I do not make any money on doing this, I'm just satisfying my own twisted mind, and doing so I'm borrowing some caracters that do not belong to me. For that I am sorry, but I mean no harm! Maybe one day I will come up with my very own caracters and stop borrowing others. :)  
  
  
  
Part 3  
Time seemed suddenly to have slowed down for Harry Potter. The days snailed away, long and endless and all he could think of was Severus Snape. The man, the professor, the potions master. Vulnerable. So vulnerable Harry felt the need to protect him somehow. But Snape had told him to mind his own business and act as if this had never happened. But every time their gazes met, in the hallway, the great hall- Harry saw the vulnerable Snape, not the greasy git who loved bossing people around. The blank face was now filled with all sorts of emotions, you just had to look deep enough. For the first time Harry honestly felt that Severus Snape was just as human as everybody else, he was no superhuman after all. That was reassuring and yet frightening at the same time.  
  
He and Ron had, of course, made up a long time ago, but Harry still kept quiet about Snape although he wasn't really sure if that was wise. There was something really odd about the whole situation. Yes, of course it was odd, it's not every day you run into a pregnant man! But there was something more Harry couldn't quite put his finger on. The answer came to him during the first transfiguration class after the holidays. He was sitting by the window, trying hard to figure out how to turn a bowling ball into a pigeon -off all things- when it struck him. Parents! A baby has parents! Not one parent but parents! Two to be exact. In most cases this also involved a woman to bear the child and a man to impregnate her. In this case anyhow- a man was the expectant "mother to be". So there had to be a second father around somewhere, wouldn't it? And since Voldemort had cast the curse..  
  
"Shit!" Harry's bowling ball fell to the floor with an alarming crash. On each of its side tiny wings were attached, flapping like crazy, not moving the heavy ball an inch.  
  
"Potter! I do not need such language in my classroom! Use your energy on that bowling ball!" professor McGonagall spat from opposite the room. "You leave me no choice but to take five points from Gryffindor," she added and turned her back to help Neville.  
  
"Harry, what's with you lately?" Ron whispered as Harry picked up his flapping bowling ball.  
  
"I don't know. I just.. It's nothing," Harry lied. He was too caught up in his own mind to be thinking straight. Was Snape carrying Voldemort's offspring?? No wonder he wanted to keep it secret! Would that mean Snape was a traitor after all? Or had he been struck with a curse he couldn't reverse? But if he were innocent would he keep it secret from everyone? At least he would tell Dumbledore, wouldn't he?  
  
"Harry! You're doing it again." Ron stared at him accusingly.  
  
"Doing what?!"  
  
"You know.. sitting there staring into the air like some muggle zombie!"  
  
"I was just thinking." Harry felt like a jerk. Both Ron and Hermione were suspecting something. Harry had been acting odd ever since Christmas day.   
He ran his fingers through his hair while trying to figure out what to do.   
Should he tell them? But then he would betray Snape's trust. But what if he was a traitor and Harry was leading the whole world into some big apocalypse if he kept his mouth shut? Maybe he should confront Snape, tell him what he suspected and challenge him to turn himself in to Dumbledore. But then again, if Snape had nothing to loose in hiding his secret it would be no challenge for him to rid himself of Harry if he considered him an obstacle. Harry was half a year from completing his wizarding education, but he was no match to Severus Snape.  
  
"HARRY!" Harry literary jumped to the air as Ron poked him in the side.  
  
"Can you please stop doing that!" Harry wheezed angrily. Professor McGonagall sent him a warning glance from her desk.  
  
"Well, can you please act as if you at least was trying to listen while I'm talking to you!" Ron sneered back: "I'm fed up with this sulking of yours or whatever it is!" Harry sighed.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ron, but it's just.. I've got a lot on my mind. And I can't talk about it so don't ask."  
  
"Fine," Ron whispered. "If you don't trust me, that's just fine!" He didn't talk to Harry at all for the rest of the day.  
  
*-*  
  
By midnight Harry had made his decision. He would write to his Godfather. Sirius would know what to do. And he wouldn't mention Snape's name or any trace that would lead back to him. Sirius Black was now a free man after the capture of Wormtail had cleared all matters on the Potter case. For the time being he was on some tropical island taking a long and well-owed vacation. Harry was hoping his letter would reach him within a week. With a sheet of parchment and his favourite feather quill Harry sat down by the fire in the dormitory to write his letter.  
  
Dear Sirius.  
You've told me to write you whenever there is something bothering me, and well.. I have a serious problem. It goes like this: I've promised someone to keep something secret, but I fear if I do something bad will happen. And I'm talking big, big problems here, all though I can't go any deeper into it.   
I'm wondering if I should challenge this person to tell the truth, but I'm afraid this someone is desperate enough to try to hurt me if feeling threatened. And I know I'm no match for this particular person. So, what should I do? Shall I betray the trust granted to me, or should I rat on this person? I hope you won't get too alarmed about this thing and call off your vacation. I'm big enough to handle this by my self, but I need your advice before I take any action.   
Hope the weather's nice down there!  
  
Harry   
P.S: I'm doing an essay on peculiar spells and I'm wondering if you know of any able of making men pregnant? And how the parents for a magical created child is chosen. Hermione has been pestering me about asking you all week because she can't find any information about it in the library.  
  
There, he had written it. Harry reread it before he rolled it together to take it to the owlery. He was hoping Sirius wouldn't add two and two together with that last piece of information Harry had written. He needed to know if there was a way he could determinate if Voldemort was the baby's father or not. He'd been searching the school library over the last few days, but he'd come up with nothing. He wasn't telling the truth flat out when he was writing it like this, therefore he wasn't betraying Snape's trust. Still a sting of guilt stung his chest as he attached the piece of parchment on Hedwig's leg. She soared through the air and disappeared in the dark. As Harry was about to leave the owlery Ron's owl Pig came soaring down from the sky with happy hoots. He settled on Harry's shoulder, nibbling on his ear.  
  
"Hi, Pig." Harry said, smiling. For once he was happy to see the tiny feather-ball. Ron's owl sure was a handful even though his size wasn't that impressive. "Ron is mad at me," Harry confessed as Pig started chewing some straws of his hair. Pig hooted soothingly. "I guess he has good reason to be, but it's just.. I can't tell him what's bothering me. And that feels awful, because he's my best friend."  
  
"Hooo!" Pig answered and made a little jump to state his point. Harry sighed:  
  
"I guess you're right. I'll talk to him." Pig pecked him once on the cheek and left his shoulder with a whoosh. Harry smiled as he left the owlery. Had he just been having a conversation with Ron's owl?? 


	4. The Curse, part 4

A big thanks to everyone who's responded so far! :) I wasn't expecting much more than a couple or two hating what I wrote so I was positively surprised! :) And since you all have been so nice to me I'm posting two chapters today! :)  
  
Greetings, Restina  
  
  
Part 4  
It was Friday and the first potions class with the sixth year Slytherins and Gryffindors since the holidays. Severus was dreading the very thought of spending two endless hours in the same room with the one who knew his secret. Or part of it to be exact. Severus had bought the young man some time, a couple of months, maybe three, or four even- if he was lucky. That depended on if Harry wasn't starting to snoop around by himself. But whom was he kidding. Had Harry ever kept his hands in his pockets and kept it cool when there was something mysterious going on? No, he was probably tending to his very own little research already. Why couldn't he just leave dangerous things be?  
  
The lesson started well enough. Severus wrote the ingredients for the day's potion on the blackboard and tried to relax. He'd noticed Ron and Harry weren't sharing a desk today and was wondering why. But it was obvious they weren't the best of friends at the time being. Miss Granger's stare from one to the other was a clear enough sign of that. She sat by Neville's side as usual, always ready to help the miserable goon from screwing up. Severus faced the class with a sharp intake of breath and explained what they would be doing the following hours. His hands were starting to stir ever so small when he felt Potter's eyes locked on him. He forgot what he was saying and stuttered a bit, a drop of cold sweat appeared on his forehead. Five dreadful minutes later the students started their chores and Severus fought with an intense urge to just vanish from the face of the earth. For god's sake, he'd been stuttering! He, Severus Snape, the fearsome bat who always knew just what to say and how to strike down on you exactly where it would hurt the most!  
  
He got his chance though. Hermione seemed to have a lot on her mind today and she hadn't been watching Neville carefully enough. Therefore the dear Mr. Longbottom gave him the perfect opportunity to restore himself on the throne of absolute horribleness as he made fun of the poor boy in front of the whole class. He resented himself for it. He saw the tears well up in Neville's eyes as he tried to explain the mistakes he'd done. But Severus Snape had been doing this for so long he didn't know how to stop.  
  
"I expect your grandmother is very proud of you, Mr. Longbottom! I've never seen such a talent for utter failure as I see in you!" There were no expression on Severus' face as he said this, why would there be? He'd trained for years to keep all such things as feelings deep inside him. A curling smile entered his lips as he went therefrom, the students might as well assume he was gloating.  
  
"Sir, if I were you I would treat Neville a little more kindly!" The voice came from the back row. Severus didn't need to turn to know to whom it belonged.  
  
"Is that a threat I hear, Mr. Potter?" He turned slowly looking as terrible as ever with his hard eyes and expressionless features.  
  
"No, I'm just telling you to treat others the same way you expect to be treated!" Harry answered, looking him dead in the eye. It was a look telling Severus Harry wasn't afraid of him. He had something on him and if Severus acted in any way that was not pleasing to him he wouldn't hesitate to use this information against him.  
  
His head started to spin as he tried to look as calm as ever. But Potter had struck a nerve. Severus was balancing on a knife's edge and Harry could very well destroy his very own last months of freedom if he continued like this. In a few weeks time Harry's life would change forever, no matter how he himself felt on the matter. He would be stamped as the father of a freak child and the whole world would know about his destined soulbonding with his old fiend and teacher. Why couldn't he just let it rest, for his own sake?  
  
"I don't need you telling me what to do and what not to do Potter. I'm old enough to make my own decisions," Severus said in the silkiest of tones:   
"This IS my classroom if you hadn't noticed." A curl on his lips and warning eyes. Harry said no more.  
  
*-*  
  
Ron and Hermione caught up with Harry as he entered the stairs heading for the dormitory.  
  
"I'd watch my step if I were you!" Ron said as he settled beside him climbing the stairs. It seemed like he'd forgotten their quarrel a long time ago. "But I have to hand it to you, nicely handled!" Ron laughed and patted Harry on the back.  
  
"If you ask me," Hermione said, joining Ron's left side: "I'd say Professor   
Snape is afraid of you somehow, Harry."  
  
"What, the old bat afraid!?" Ron exclaimed in disbelief: "I'll believe that when Snape tells me it himself!"  
  
"But come on!" Hermione eagered: "There's something going on between you and Snape, Harry! I see it the way you two look at each other." Harry had kept quiet under all this but now he needed to speak.  
  
"Let's just say Snape has a secret he isn't to eager to let get out," Harry whispered very aware of the fact that the walls of Hogwarts usually had ears. Both Ron's and Hermione's eyes reached the size of dinner-plates.  
  
"I knew that slimy old git was up to something!" Ron announced proudly and gave Hermione an albow in the side.  
  
"Cut it out!" Hermione snapped and pushed Ron so he bumped into Harry: "Just because Snape has a secret it doesn't mean he's up to something foul!" Harry couldn't but smile at the two of them. They were so obviously in love, but they tried to hide it from each other with all the bickering.  
  
"Listen, I would tell you if I could, all right? But at the time being I can't. I've written to Sirius and won't do anything or tell anything before   
I get his answer."  
  
"You've written to Sirius? Then there is something big going on then!" Ron gave Hermione a snide look.  
  
"That's alright, Harry. Tell us when you can," said Hermione and smiled.  
Harry gave her a silent thanks. Now that Hermione had approved the situation Ron would do no less, which was a simple fact. Now all Harry had to do was to sit tight and wait for his godfather's reply.  
  
*-*  
  
Severus was in a really bad mood. He'd just received dieting tips from Minerva! The nerve of that woman. Of course she'd just been joking, but Severus wasn't keen on being fooled around. It was enough with all this bulimic nonsense flying around the halls if now he had to listen to other people giving him hints he was getting fat! He had considered a shrinking spell to reduce the visual effect of the pregnancy but he was afraid the spell could affect the baby. He had settled with a simple enlarger spell instead, on his clothes. This way his clothes would fit, or at least for the time being. Even clothes had its limits when it came to enlarging.  
  
Severus plummeted down in his office chair with a sigh. He was dog-tired after another day of great acting. He was starting to wonder if there was any use in trying to hide all of this. He was keeping the one true love of his life in the dark about something that should really be a blessing for the both of them. But then again Severus had made his choice years ago. When he had first laid eyes on the boy he knew he would work against their joined destiny out of pure pity for the boy. How could he claim a twelve-year-old who'd lived most of his life without his parents, who was his dark master's most hated enemy? He had set the boy free. And now this cursed thing called destiny was going to lay all his hard work in ruins, and probably destroy his soul mate in the process.  
  
A small movement from inside his belly made him forget his troubles for a couple of seconds. It was a light movement like the brush of a wing, and it had a calming effect on the tired man. How could he not love this miracle?   
He knew he was getting soft, that the old Severus Snape would have kicked him in the arse and told him to stop acting like a googly jellyfish. But the pregnancy was changing him. The true Snape was slowly floating to the surface. And how could he not love the child of Harry Potter, his soul mate?  
  
¤You'll continue you games, Severus. For the sake of the boy. He will have his freedom as long as I can bear it. How could I deny him this when I for sure will ruin the rest of his life?¤ 


	5. The Curse, part 5

Part 5  
Exactly two weeks after Hedvig flew away in the middle of a clear winter night, she returned. Harry was having breakfast in the great hall, trying hard not to stare at the man up at the teachers' table.  
  
"Harry, you've got mail!" Ron exclaimed as Hedvig settled on the table with an important hoot.  
  
"No, Ron- you don't say!" Harry said as he untied a small roll of parchment from Hedvig's leg. She looked so proud Harry felt guilty he didn't send more letters. He tucked the parchment down in his left pant pocket and ignored the disappointed look on Ron and Hermione's faces. He didn't know what was in the letter and therefore he didn't dare letting the others discover it with him.  
  
He didn't get a chance to read the letter until the evening. He made an "errand" to his room all though Ron and Hermione knew exactly what he was off to. He sat down on the bed and unfolded the piece of parchment with trembling hands.  
  
Dear Harry  
So, what's this new mess you've balled yourself into? You really have a nose on digging up mysteries, but I'll go against my better judgement and trust you with this one if you say you can handle it. You're 18 years old now and probably a better wizard already than what I ever will be. As I see it you HAVE given a promise and under normal circumstances I would tell you to stick with that. So the question you'll have to ask is: Are these normal circumstances? As I don't know what's troubling you I can't advise you exactly about what to do, but I trust your sense of judgement Harry, so should you.  
If you choose to confront this person, make sure there IS someone knowing where you are going and why. I know this means betraying some of the trust granted to you, but you have to think of it as your security. If this person of yours is as mighty as you claim, you'll need it.  
I hope this was to some help, don't hesitate to send for me if you think you need it. I sense there is more to this than you've told me, but as I said- I trust your judgement.  
The weather down here, by the way, is great! I'm working on my suntan all day long!  
  
Sirius.  
P.S: I almost forgot.. The question about your essay: There is an ancient curse named the Legravata Simouron- Curse. (very powerful spell, not reversible) What little I know of this spell is that the one casting the spell will become the second parent of the very child he impregnates the victim with. The sex of the parents are of no significance. The caster of the spell is always one of the parents. But there is one exception. If the victim of the spell has a soulbond with another person, the victim can only carry the child of his soul mate. The victim will still get cursed, but the child he/she will be carrying to term will be his/her and his/her soul mate's child.  
  
Harry lay down on his back on the bed, not knowing if this gave him any answer at all regarding the issue of talking to Dumbledore or not. But when it came to the second parent that was another matter all together. The parent was either Voldemort or Snape's soul mate. And Harry couldn't remember seeing Snape with anyone even remotely apparent to be close to the professor. And that had to mean something. Harry decided he would tell Ron this very evening, next day he would himself have a talk with Snape.  
  
*-*  
  
Six months. The days seemed endless, and the nights were filled with nightmares from the past. And how much he'd grown for only the last couple of weeks! Severus was starting to look fat, no matter how much he extended the fabric of his clothes. And he knew this was nothing compared to what was coming. He would look like a balloon by the end of this. Therefore he was careful to eat extra food so everybody would assume his large appetite was the reason for his weight-gain. Now he'd just settled for the evening, and was about to dress in his nightshirt when a sharp knock resounded on the door.  
  
"Who's there? Come back tomorrow, I'm going to bed," Severus yelled. He hated being disturbed in his private quarters, and especially at night.  
  
"It's Harry Potter, Sir. Let me in, we need to talk!" Severus' heart sank down to his stomach. He sensed trouble coming his way.  
  
"Go away Potter, I'm tired!" Severus claimed hoping Harry would leave.  
  
"Let me in, or I'll talk out here! No matter what your excuses are, we're having this conversation!" Harry's voice was calm and determined. Severus opened the door with trembling hands.  
  
"What do you want." Severus tried to look relaxed and uninterested. He sat down in his office chair not bothering to invite Harry to sit.  
  
"I want you to tell Dumbledore about your condition!" Harry's eyes flashed a little. He seemed uneasy with the situation.  
  
"Why should I?" Severus asked, his voice not as silky and careless as it used to be.  
  
"Because if you don't I will!" No! How could he do this to himself?! Severus felt the well-known feeling of despair hit him in the back.  
  
"What if I tell you no good will come from telling the headmaster?" Severus stood up from the chair, making one step towards Harry.  
  
"Is that a threat, Sir?" Harry's eyes suddenly went cold and he backed away a little. Severus pondered for a moment if he should pretend that such was the case, but decided it wouldn't be wise.  
  
"No, Potter- that's not a threat," he answered not able to hide the sadness in his eyes for a moment: "This is a complicated situation, you see. And I strive to keep this secret as long as I possibly can for my own and others' well being." Harry's gaze was searching his every feature. Severus could feel it on him like a laser.  
  
"This 'other'.. It wouldn't happen to be Voldemort, would it?!" Severus could have sworn it was the trumpets of doom he was hearing.  
  
"No," he answered heavily, no longer able to meet the young man's suspicious eyes. He started to back away from Harry now.  
  
"Don't lie, Snape! I know how the Legravata Simouron- Curse works! Either the caster of the spell or the victim's soul mate is the parent. And I haven't seen any soul mates of yours around lately have I?!" Harry answered him calmy, but impatient as he made one step toward the retreating man.  
  
"You've made me promise not to expose your secret, why is that? Why are you so afraid of anyone finding out? Is it because you're doing your old master a little favour? And while I'm telling you this, don't bother doing anything hasty, I've made sure the truth will get out if anything happens to me!"  
  
Maybe it was the hormones raging in his body, maybe it was the building anger and distrust in Harry's eyes. Maybe he'd hit the wall finally and saw no way back. Tears welled up in Severus' eyes and he hadn't cried since he was seven! He sat down again, afraid his feet would betray him if he kept standing.  
  
"If I was so afraid of being discovered bearing my master's child, don't you think I would go into hiding? Of all places do you really think I would be staying here, right under Dumbledore's nose?" Severus' voice was hoarse and he dared not look at Harry.  
  
"Then why did you stay?" Harry wasn't convinced, Severus could hear it in his voice.  
  
"Because I had no choice. Because my soul actually is bonded to someone, making it impossible for me to leave Hogwarts even if I wanted to." Severus buried his face in his hands, trembling and biting his lip.  
  
"So you ARE bonded? Then please tell me what this bonding thing is, I sure as hell haven't figured it out!" The anger in Harry's voice felt like ice in his veins. The infant shifted, probably aware of the strain Severus was under. He looked up, tears now streaming down his face:  
  
"I'm bonded. That means my soul, or my heart if you want it in the cliché way, is attached to another soul. We're destined to be together. And I can't choose to leave my soul mate in this condition even if I wanted to because it's against the stars."  
  
"Then who's your soulmate.." Harry began, but the older man cut him off:  
  
"That's none of your concern, Potter" He swallowed hard, as insanity knocked at the door. If he continued this play much longer he would start actually believing it himself. Harry now had a look on his face showing mixed emotions. Obviously Severus' tears startled him, he probably believed the professor didn't have the ability to cry. Still, the young man didn't seem convinced:  
  
"But why isn't she helping you? If she's destined to be with you, why aren't you two showing it openly if this is such a great thing??" The man in the chair gave a peculiar smile, as he thought about the irony of it all.  
  
"Because my soul mate doesn't know of his fate," he barely whispered, rubbing his forehead.  
  
"HIS fate? So it's a he? But why doesn't he know his own fate when you seem to know everything about it?" Harry asked and took one step closer. Severus sighed.  
  
"Because he was deceived. Our souls bonded when he was only a child. He's been taught not to look at me like that."  
  
*-*  
  
"Are you asking me to believe there's a father to be walking around on campus who have no idea what so ever that you two are meant for each other, who has no idea he is about to be a father??! Do you even know how ludicrous that sounds??" Harry's voice rose to an angry pitch. He was now getting outraged. How dared this man lie to him like this? He was no child! He didn't swallow any explanation, believing all to be true as long as tears were involved!  
  
"Then please, Professor Snape," he added sarcastically: "Why haven't you told him about this?"  
  
"Because.." the professor whispered: "He's been taught to hate and loathe me. And when this gets known he will become the father of a freak child, he will be stamped and he will know his fate and deny it, just as I have been trying to deny it this last six years. How can I steal his last months of freedom from him?"  
  
"Well, how dare YOU decide what's best for him?!" Harry yelled. He was so angry he wanted to hit something:  
  
"Don't you think he should have anything to say in this?! If he got to know now at least he would have some time to prepare for what is to come, have you ever considered that?!" The man in the chair seemed to shrink with every angry word that came out of Harry's mouth. But Harry didn't care. He only thought of the poor smock this man was bonded to. God, think if it was Ron? Or Neville? Maybe that was the reason Snape hated him so much, because he didn't want to be bonded with him?  
  
"I did it to protect him.." Severus was hiding his face in his hands again.   
He looked devastated. He even sobbed. But was this real? Maybe he was just faking it all.  
  
"Protect him my ass, the only one you're trying to protect is yourself!"   
Harry snarled. Then something peculiar happened. Snape stood up, he looked   
Harry straight in the face, his black eyes flashed:  
  
"Then tell me, Potter, how you would react if I came to you the first night you were at Hogwarts and told you that you and I were destined to be together. That we were soul mates. That you would never find any other than me, a twenty-years-older professor. And how would you feel if I consummated our relationship, that night, gave no thought of your young age? Because that's what I was supposed to do, Harry. Would you have known or would you have preferred to live your life without knowing of the greasy potions master that was supposed to be your eternal love?" There was a smile curling on the older man's upper-lip. Harry suddenly felt stupid. He had to admit, put like this he would have been happy never knowing if it had been him. And Severus seemed to read the answer in his face.  
  
"I guess not," he said and turned his back to Harry: "I guess I'll let my soul mate have his last months of freedom and keep out of his way."  
  
"No." Harry had calmed down now: "You're telling him, Severus. If I were him I would want to know. You're right, I wouldn't have wanted to know back then if I got the choice, but I would have now."  
  
"Then:" Snape turned towards him again, very slowly, revealing a face shadowed by great inner pain and struggle: "I have to congrate you Potter, you're going to be a father."  
  
No! This wasn't true! Snape was lying! Harry stared at the man in front of him in disbelief and horror, not knowing if he should scream at the top of his lungs.  
  
"It's not true," he whispered: "You're lying!" But he found no comfort in   
Snape's last words:  
  
"I'm afraid not." Harry ran away.  
  
*-*  
  
If Severus would've been granted the choice between life and death in that precise moment his cold body would have hit the floor the same instant the young man ran out the door. The utter disgust and disbelief in his face made Severus' heart crumble to a thousand worthless pieces. What little hope he ever had about one day reuniting with his bonded was now lost. The dark side of Snape had been right all along. There was no way Harry Potter would ever fall in love with a man like him. He staggered to his bed, blinded by his sorrow and fell on it wishing it all was a bad dream he would awake from any minute. As if he ever was lucky.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry was out of his mind with fury, sorrow, disbelief, horror and despair.   
He ran down the halls with tears streaming down his face, not aware of where he was running or why. He and Snape, soul mates! Destined to be together, and worse- soon to become parents! It couldn't be true, it couldn't! If he were Snape's soul mate he would have felt something the night they had met, he wouldn't have ended up loathing the miserable old git! It wasn't possible!! He stopped, trying to catch his breath, as the world spun around him. He sat down by some stairs and discovered he was in a part of Hogwarts where he couldn't remember having ever been before. And there on the wall on his left a weird door caught his eye. It was gray, the colour of the stone walls around it so it blended almost perfectly with its surroundings. If it hadn't been for the flakking light of a torch right over it, Harry wouldn't have noticed it at all. Despite his raging feelings a spark of adventure lit in his mind and he walked towards it and tried the doorknob. The door opened with a loud squeak and Harry hurried inside, afraid someone would see him if he hesitated. He entered a small room, lit with ever burning torches.  
  
There was almost nothing inside the room, the walls and the floor were naked besides one item, a mirror. As Harry moved closer he recognised it. It was the very mirror where he'd seen his parents during his first year at Hogwarts! He moved towards the surface, desperately hoping to see them again, but as the surface of the mirror changed it wasn't Harry's parents who appeared.   
  
It was a small child. It was a little girl, barely one year old. She had long black hair, green sparkly eyes, and a big smile. It looked like she was making her very first steps and she looked so concentrated Harry had to laugh. Then the surface changed and two more figures entered the mirror. Harry gasped in disbelief. Before his very eyes he saw a smiling Severus Snape lift the little girl high in the air looking truly happy. And beside him stood none other than Harry himself, he too was grinning so hard his ears were in danger of falling off. Snape handed the girl over to him and he, the mirror-Harry, did the same procedure as mirror-Snape had done before him. Then mirror-Harry sat the little girl down on the floor again and he and the mirror image of Snape stood there watching her with pride in their faces. And as the whole scene didn't seem disturbing enough the mirror-Harry turned towards the mirror-Snape and embraced him like a long lost love before he kissed him!  
  
"NO!" Harry yelled and backed away from the image. What the hell was that?!   
This mirror showed everyone's inner most secret desires, their highest wish- and THAT sure as hell wasn't Harry's highest wish!! He hurried out of the room, more confused and distraught than ever. Somewhere in the back of his mind a little voice reminded him he ought to return to the dormitory.   
Ron was there, waiting for his return. If Harry wasn't back within twenty minutes he was to go straight to Dumbledore's office to tell about Snape. Oh god, how was he going to tell Ron about this? -Oh, hi Ron, not to worry, Voldemort isn't the happy daddy to be- I am!- Yeah, sure! Harry hurried down the corridor heart burning of unknown sensations. Why couldn't the second father have been Voldemort?!  
  
"Harry! I was starting to get worried about you!" Ron sat by the fire as   
Harry entered the common room. He jumped to his feet and ran towards him.   
But he stopped when he discovered the look on Harry's face.  
  
"Harry, what's wrong? He didn't hurt you did he?" A look of concern appeared on his face. Harry had told Ron about Snape last night and had spent almost six hours convincing him of the unbelievable. How the hell was Harry going to convince him about this?!  
  
"No, he didn't try anything," Harry said and suddenly remembered he had been crying. He quickly dried his cheeks with the sleeve of his robe.  
  
"But what's wrong, you look really upset! He didn't... kill himself or something?" In a terrifying moment Harry actually wished that that were the exact thing that had happened. Anything but this! But he instantly regretted even thinking this. He didn't want Snape nor this... thing dead. He just wished he had nothing to do with them. He wanted to be one of the spectators in this coming scandal, not one of the main events!  
  
"No. He's alive and kicking," Harry said through gritted teeth as he imagined what his life would be from now on.  
  
"So, is he turning himself in then?" Ron looked like he was about to burst out of curiosity.  
  
"No." Harry answered flatly.  
  
"So, are you?"  
  
"Don't know." Ron gave him a calculating look.  
  
"Harry, there's something you're not telling me!"  
  
"Voldemort isn't the father of the... thing Snape is carrying," Harry said and felt his feet start trembling again.  
  
"Then who is?" Ron said, looking so confused Harry was afraid the eyes would roll out of his head.  
  
"I am." Harry looked him calmly in the eye, not showing the storm of feelings raging inside him. Now Ron looked like he was about to faint.  
  
"Don't kid me on this, Harry!" he said, while he looked at him with unease.   
Something in Harry snapped:  
  
"Do you really think I would??!!?!" he screamed: "Do you really think I in my wildest dreams would ever imagine something more horrid?!??" New tears were streaming down his cheeks, but he didn't bother to dry them away.  
  
"Ssshhhsh, you're waking the others," Ron whispered and laid his arm around   
Harry's shoulder. "Let me help you to bed OK, you need to get some sleep.   
Tomorrow we're gonna figure out what you're gonna do with the situation. This is none of your responsibility, do you hear? None! If that greasy old bat tries to lay as much as a finger on you I'm gonna grind him into mincemeat!" Harry let Ron lead him up the stairs and to bed. He was too tired to think about anything any more, he just wanted to sleep. Hopefully he would wake up in the morning discovering the whole thing had been one really bad dream. 


	6. The Curse, part 6

There was a time I had your life in my hands   
And you had life left in your eyes   
There was a time I caught your hiding inside   
From something shining through the blinds   
It´s not the shadow by the red lights   
That makes my skin crawl late at night   
  
Fragment from Kent's "Quiet Heart"  
  
Part 6  
Severus had no idea where he'd found the energy to get out of bed. Last night's ordeal with Harry had ended with a long and endless night, filled with both old and new nightmares. And the last class he had today was with Gryffindors and Slytherins. He dressed and went for breakfast, appearance cold and snide as ever, but with a bleeding heart hidden deep within him.  
  
When Harry didn't show up for breakfast, Severus wasn't really surprised.   
Neither did Ron and Hermione. Not breathtaking news that either. So now three people most likely knew his secret. How many more by the end of the day? Just three more months and he could leave Hogwarts in shame. Severus almost looked forward to it. He'd been broken down so many times over the past years by his old master Voldemort that he was used to the idea of never reaching happiness in his life. He had only contempt for his role as the one who was always doing the dirty work and never gets any credit for it. In the war he had acted as a true hero, but he was doomed to invisibility. No one seemed to notice the good living inside him, and in consequence, Severus showed himself less and less. He didn't eat much. Minerva noticed this of course and asked him teasingly if he was starting a diet. Severus growled back at her and left the table with swift steps.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry awoke with Ron and Hermione by the side of his four poster's bed.  
  
"Oh, you poor thing!" Hermione sniffled as he slowly sat up. So it hadn't been a dream then.  
  
"Thank's for keeping it secret Ron!" he said as he found his glasses on his nightstand.  
  
"But I had to tell Mione! She can help us!" Ron argued feverishly: "And you know she won't tell a living soul. It's just the three of us who knows this, and of course the monster bat himself!" he added. Harry just wanted to drift back to sleep. At least his night had been free of dreams of any kind. But the memory from the image in the mirror came back to hunt him now, in broad daylight. Him, holding Snape in his arms, looking so happy. The mirror had to be broken. It now instead showed the reflections of your worst nightmares.  
  
By breakfast time Harry started to tell his friends about all that had happened last night in the dungeons. By the time of first class he was finished with his story, but he left out the part about the mirror. Both Ron and Hermione looked pale and uneasy.  
  
"I'll never claim you have it easy ever again," a grave Ron mumbled. Hermione was crying her eyes out at Ron's right. She was looking so distraught Ron had to comfort her.  
  
"That is the saddest love-story I've ever heard!" she bawled and dried her eyes. Ron looked like someone had just called his red hair pink with yellow spots.  
  
"Love-story?!" he yelled in an outraged voice: "How the hell can you call   
THAT a LOVE story??!" Hermione gave him a look revealing one of the many facts of life: men simply don't get it.  
  
"Hello!" she said: "Do you even know what soul mates are? There are just one in a million of us who's so lucky to be destined with the perfect partner. A person that fulfils you in every possible way, you two make a perfect union a never-ending circle. Soul mates are destined to be together and nothing can change that. And what is so dreadfully sad is that there was an error somewhere in the system, Harry met Snape some years too early, maybe Snape was born some years too soon. Don't you see? Severus had to let the love of his life go! He didn't have the heart to do what destiny claimed for him. All this years he's been doing the worst thing he'd ever have to do, Harry- hide his love to you!" Harry just looked at her, face blank. So Ron did the talking for him.  
  
"Hello yourself!" he raged: "Didn't you hear him? He doesn't have any feelings what so ever for that creep!"  
  
"That's just because he's never seen the true Severus Snape," Hermione pleaded with sorrow in her eyes: "He's been hiding behind a mask ever since Harry arrived, he's fought his feelings every single day for six long years. And if that wasn't enough he had to pretend to be on Voldemort's side. And Voldemort hated every single fibre of Harry. Severus protected Harry from knowing the fate that was hunting him down to soon and from the killing breath of Voldemort. Don't you see, Harry? If you just got to know him better."  
  
"No thanks." Harry shook his head.  
  
"That's right Harry!" Ron cheered: "That soul mate stuff is some big girl-invented crap! There is no way anything decent and breathing would ever fall in love with Professor Snape! I for one would rather gnaw my own leg off than be caught harvesting one sympathetic thought for that miserable excuse of a human being!"  
  
"Ron.." Hermione silently begged him to keep quiet now. Ron noticed Harry's face and understood. He looked twenty years older and in his mind he had to be far far away.  
  
He was back in the room with the broken mirror. The scene flashed before his eyes again and again. He didn't get it, how could this be his greatest wish? Could this be what would have been if Harry had met Snape under the right circumstances? If Snape had let him see the man inside? Was this what could become of them if Harry managed to see beneath the deceptions and lies? Could he ever feel something for this man if he tried? And the child, their child. A bond as unbreakable as the bond of their souls. If he allowed it to be so? Could he win his own destiny?  
  
*-*  
  
By the time Harry returned from his mind trip Ron and Hermione had gone to classes. They probably thought he needed some time by himself, and they had been right. He felt confused and small, wishing there were a way to reverse the stars and the course they had set out for him. Could it really be that Snape LOVED him? He had great difficulty with imagining Snape falling in love with anyone. He couldn't feel the same resentment for the man though. Some of the things Herminoe had said had made some sense. Could Harry really blame him for this? No, he guessed not. Snape was the victim of a curse. Harry sighed as he took one of the hardest decisions in his life. He would talk to Snape after lessons..  
  
*-*  
  
Harry wasn't at any of the classes that day. He needed to prepare for a second meeting with Snape. He wouldn't let his feelings and anger get the best of him this time.  
  
He was so nervous and giddy as he walked down the halls towards the dungeons he reckoned everybody had to read his dreadful secret. The secret. He was part of it now.. In a few months time he would be the father of a child with who's conceiving he had not been involved. He almost chuckled as it dawned to him he was to be a virgin father.  
  
He didn't bother with knocking on Snape's door this time. Why should he consider his feelings? He sure as hell hadn't minded about Harry's! The door wasn't locked. He marched right in and froze three steps inside the room. Snape was just entering his office from the door of his private quarters. His shoulder long, black hair was all wet, curling a little from the mist in it. His cloak and overcoat was missing, he was only wearing pants and a currently unbuttoned white shirt. Apparently he'd just taken a bath.  
  
"Potter!" Snape looked both startled and scared. He started buttoning his shirt in a menacing pace. Harry stood like a zombie watching the bare skin of Snape's white stomach, tracing the curve that revealed the slowly growing secret inside his soul mate's belly.  
  
"Have you ever heard of knocking?" Snape said as he snapped the black jacket hanging on the back of his office chair.  
  
"Yeah, well.. I didn't bother, precisely as you didn't bother telling me certain things," Harry growled. That one seemed to sting, although Snape tried his best to hide it.  
  
"I did what I thought was in your best interest, Potter." Harry realised how worn the older man looked.  
  
"How long.. until you're due?" Harry asked in a milder tone as he was looking around Snape's office. The man still had his foul sense of decoration intact.. Snape sighed and looked down for a second as he buttoned the last buttons of his jacket:  
  
"Three months give or take a few days." He grabbed his cloak from the desk and swung it over his shoulders with a grave face.  
  
"You don't need to worry, Potter. I'm not going to claim anything from you.   
You're free to do as you choose. I know you don't want this, the lord knows   
I don't!" While he said this he brushed his hands over the smooth fabric of his cloak. Harry wasn't all that convinced Snape hated the idea nearly as much as he claimed.  
  
"Listen," Harry said, blocking the image from the mirror out of his mind: "I'm not coping too well with all this at the moment. The very idea of you and me.. well.. I need time to come to grips with that. But. I will help you the following three months. I'll help you keep it secret, I'll claim fathership when that day arrives, as long as you clearly state this is the handiwork of Voldemort. I can't promise more, though, not now. I don't know if I'll ever trust you and when it comes to feeling anything... a miracle must happen. I just don't see you that way. Is this satisfying for you?" Harry felt as if he was trying to land a business deal. There was sadness in Snape's face, but he hid it well.  
  
"Thank you," he said. Then he turned his back to Harry and left the office.   
Harry sighed as he left too, wondering what he'd done wrong in his life to end up in this mess.  
  
*-*  
  
The following days were tough on the both of them. Severus was eating to have a reason for gaining weight and tried to be as cold and heartless as before. Harry on the other hand was trying very hard to cope with the disturbing news. He had decided to protect Snape's secret and he trusted Ron and Hermione to keep their mouths shut. Hermione by the way had developed a weird fascination for Snape and his condition. She was always fussing about how pale and lonely he looked, she seemed to like the man more and more after hearing the story of his tragic love-life. What she seemed to forget was that Harry was a part of it, and that he wasn't at all interested in her stories of the poor Professor Snape.  
  
The tension when the two of them met accidentally or at classes was nearly unbearable. But Snape seemed to be milder when Harry was around. Neville hadn't been nagged on for a whole week and was so terrified by this he was even more afraid to go to Snape's classes. Hermione sat with a constant smile on her face, apparently trying to cheer the professor up, while Ron wore a chronic sneer on his face as he still resented what Snape had done to Harry. And Harry... well, he tried to pretend Snape wasn't even in the room but he was not doing very well. The man seemed to work like a gigantic magnet on Harry's eyes. He tried to look beyond the man he thought he knew, and to get a glimpse of the man that was supposed to be his soul mate.  
  
By night Harry spent most of his time together with Ron and Hermione in the library trying to find out more about soul mates and the Legravata Simouron- Curse. Harry was silently hoping for a way to change the course of the future, while Hermione seemed to be more interested in love-potions. She reckoned Harry just needed a nudge, then he would see all in a new light and he and Snape would live happily ever after. Harry wasn't too fond of the idea though. 


	7. The Curse, part 7

So... anyone missed me??? Huh? *smug smile* ;) Thank you for being patient, I have examns galore the following three weeks and I don't know when I'll find time to write.. But, not to worry here comes chapter seven at least!   
  
Hugs,  
Restina  
(in need of a break from all the brain-destroying craming)  
  
  
If you could step into my head, tell  
me would you still know me  
If you woke up in my bed, tell me  
would you hold me  
Or would you simply let it lie,  
leaving me to wonder why  
I can't get you out of this head  
I call mine  
  
Fragment of 3 Doors Down's "So I Need You"  
  
  
The Curse, part 7  
  
Seven months and one week. Severus had just stretch- spelled his clothes AGAIN for the second time in two weeks. The fabric of his clothes was starting to thin out so it looked like Severus had to make a disgracing appointment with a tailor pretty soon. Everyone could now plainly see the   
rapid changes on the professor's body, and some were wondering if the man had some sort of eating disorder. But no one bothered him face to face any more. He reckoned they were too afraid of having him exploding with fury in their faces if someone hinted he was gaining weight.  
  
On the bright side Severus had learned that Dumbledoore was going away in a couple of weeks and would be gone for two months to be on some wizard-convention. That suited Severus well. It was Albus' searching eye, he was most afraid, would unveil his secret. He reckoned the headmaster would return to deal with the disaster in good time just before the child was born. One less thing to worry about almost made his life bearable. But he had to brace himself every moment of the day, in case his bonded would look his way. The walls between them were crumbling into dust day by day, soon   
Harry would be able to read Severus' face just as well as the headmaster, probably better. Severus had lost his mask and was no longer able to hide from the soul mate his heart longed for. And the distance between them pained him more and more. His walk was no longer as proud and swift as before.  
  
At nights he cried himself to sleep, a very frightening and disturbing experience for the man who'd bottled up his feelings for most of his life.   
The prospect of spending the rest of his life without Harry in it was too hard to cope with, and the thought of their child having no contact with his/her second parent pained him beyond anything Voldemort had ever done to him. But he would be strong, for the child's sake at least. He'd never even considered parenthood so this would too be a new and shocking experience for him. He had briefly considered giving the baby away for adoption, but his body and mind screamed against the idea of leaving his flesh and blood behind as something useless and unworthy. At least he would have part of Harry with him like that, and hopefully he could learn to be a good father.  
  
Sometimes he could sit in his study for hours just feeling the baby move inside him. It was a thrilling sensation feeling the kick of a foot, the brush of a hand. Somehow it made him feel whole and everything made sense in some weird kind of way. This was the only happy moments in Severus' life now. He lived and breathed for these treasured moments of tranquillity,   
feeling a new bond grow stronger- the bond of parenthood.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry wasn't doing much better. He still struggled with the whole idea of becoming a father in the nearest future. And the image from the mirror came back to haunt him day and night. He and Snape- together. Raising a child together. He didn't want this child. At least not now. He was only eighteen, god dammit! He didn't know diddle squat about being a parent! And the child would be marked for life, the result of the curse of Voldemort, the unwanted child.. Unwanted. Harry felt like a monster. He hated a little baby who wasn't even born yet! Who'd never asked to be born. Innocent, just like Harry in the matter, innocent like Severus Snape.  
  
No! He wouldn't develop any feelings for the man based on pity! But he realized he had to stop blaming everyone for this mess. The only one to blame was Voldemort. And in two months time a child that was half him would be born, innocent and helpless. Harry would loathe himself the rest of his life if he left the entire responsibility to Snape. He was the one suffering the most from this, having to hide something that would be harder and harder to hide for the eye, having to live with Harry's withdrawal from it all. And as the days went on more and more of the old Severus Snape, the dreaded Potions Master, disappeared from Harry's eyes and a new, vulnerable man stepped forward. Slowly Harry's eyes pealed the layers off the man no one really knew.  
  
In his dreams he relived the moment down in the dungeons when he'd caught Snape off guard right after a bath. The smooth pale skin and the slightly larger abdomen looked so tempting to touch but he always woke up just before he reached it. He wondered how it felt to have something living and growing in your stomach. How it felt when it shifted or kicked. And above all, how it would be born!  
  
Hermione had found some information on that last issue in some ancient book of spells and curses. A male birth was a very painful experience where the child would be born via a magical birth canal through the man's bellybutton. He would experience heavy labor and hours of pain IF he was lucky. In three out of ten a male pregnancy was fatal. The baby and the father died due to complications with the birth, because a male pregnancy is unnatural. This finally woke Harry up to the gravity of the situation. Snape was risking his very life bringing this child to the world and this made Harry feel even worse. Hermione was so shaken up by the odds of both the baby and Snape dying she had been bawling for a whole week. Ron tried to comfort her as best he could, but one easily noticed he wasn't as shaken by this news as Hermione and Harry. Harry felt guilty as he knew the strain under which he was putting Snape wouldn't help him in this crucial moment. But what could he do? Go down to the dungeons and cry his eyes out, revealing for Snape all his guilt and sorrow, cry for him not to die? If Snape wasn't scared and stressed before he certainly would be then. And Harry suspected Snape wouldn't jump at an offer from Harry to support him through the remaining months, and to be true Harry wasn't sure he could help in any way at all.  
  
*-*  
  
One day after a lesson Harry stayed behind after the other students had left. Snape looked so tired Harry had been sitting on needles for a whole hour, worried the older man would dive to the floor if he took his eyes from him. Snape was cleaning the blackboard in slow movements and hadn't noticed Harry staying behind.  
  
"Let me do that," Harry said and snatched the swamp out of Snape's hand.   
Snape reacted as if he was being ambushed and jumped away.  
  
"Potter!" he gasped, heaving as he regained his breath: "You'll have to stop sneaking up on me!"  
  
"I'm sorry, Sir!" Harry was a jerk, doing precisely the opposite of his intentions. He finished cleaning the blackboard raptly and turned towards Snape again who was watching him with a weird expression on his face.  
  
"Thank you," he said and rubbed his neck uncomfortably. His black eyes were gleaming with surprise and gratefulness.  
  
"You look tired," Harry said: "How're you feeling?" Snape shifted his weight from the right foot to the left and back again.  
  
"I'm fine," he answered, when the dark rings under his eyes were saying otherwise.  
  
"No you're not, I can see it on you!" Harry said and took one step closer:   
"You look like you're carrying the world on your shoulders." Snape blinked. It looked like another brick fell from the wall that separated them. He opened his mouth for a second and closed it again, giving a pretty good resemblance to a fish on land.  
  
"I know I haven't been much of a help lately," Harry said and blushed: "I've been kind of... trying to cope.." Snape got a sad look on his face:  
  
"I'm sorry I got you involved in this," he said honestly: "If there was any way to.."  
  
"There isn't, and you don't need to apologise," Harry interrupted: "If anyone should apologise it's me. I had no right blaming you for this, you are as innocent as the child you're carrying. I'm sorry I haven't realised this before now."  
  
"You're a young man, Harry. You may have grown up in a haste but some things needs age and experience to cope with. Lord knows I don't feel experienced enough to cope with this, so I can only begin to guess how you're feeling." Snape leaned against the desk and looked so human Harry couldn't believe he hadn't discovered this side of Severus before. His eyes locked on the professors bulging stomach and he felt a sudden urge to touch it. To touch the very thing that was the reason to this mess. He stepped forward, and before he even knew what he was doing- his hand laid on Severus Snape's belly. He'd touched it before, briefly, but this time he didn't jerk away with the feel of movement from beneath Severus' clothes. There, just inside, a tiny foot kicked and the very sensation felt so weird Harry had to smile. Snape looked startled, but he didn't back away or remove Harry's hand. Harry was so filled with emotions a shivering went through his body. This was his son or daughter!  
  
"How does it feel?" he whispered awestruck by this new and unknown emotion.   
Severus let a hand slide absentmindedly over his abdomen:  
  
"Strangely it feels like everything makes sense somehow," he said and Harry noticed the professor's eyes were filled with a rare glow.  
  
"I don't know what the future will bring to this child, but I know I will fight for it to have a decent life.. not to become like me." Harry slowly lowered his hand, looking at the man in front of him with new eyes. This couldn't be the bat he'd loathed for almost six years! Sure he looked the same, still with black bottomless eyes, shoulder long, black and greasy hair, the crooked nose, the thin lips. Yet he looked totally different somehow. Was it the spark in the older mans eyes every time he looked down on the secret he kept hidden under his skin? Or was it all of him that had changed, to a new and milder Snape, to a Snape Harry felt weirdly close to? For the first time in his life Harry felt kindness and warmth for this man and the very sensation surprised him.  
  
"I know you probably see me the way I have behaved the six years I've known you, and that that impression might be impossible to change. And I want you to know I won't bother you with anything after the child is born. If you want me to leave, I'll leave, but I can't leave without your permission, our bond would forbid it. You don't feel the bond as strongly as I do, because I never let it evolve into anything. Therefore you are free to do as you choose, as I need your permission.. " Severus' gaze was honest and strong, he seemed to be able to discuss this matter with Harry in a totally different way than just some weeks ago.  
  
"You're right, I don't feel any bond tying us together except from the one that's growing inside you," Harry answered: "I don't know if I'll ever feel anything, but I can tell that much: my feelings towards you have changed a great deal. I can no longer see you as the foul professor giving everybody a hard time, you've changed the last months and the changes has all been for the better." He smiled awkwardly as it dawned on him that he was trying to give the Potions Master a compliment. But the man looked almost attractive where he stood, the way his cloak swung down his body, the growing belly and the nearly kind eyes made him look younger.  
  
There was a tense moment of silence between them, before Snape reached for his books:  
  
"Thanks for the help, Potter," he said and a little smile appeared on his lips: "And thanks for the talk." 


	8. The Curse, part 8

Part eight, YEEEYY! :) I'm working in light-speed, or something like that.. heehee. Hope you'll like it? ;)  
  
  
This world can turn me down  
but I won't turn away  
And I won't duck and run,  
because I'm not built that way  
When everything is gone there  
is nothing here to fear  
This world cannot  
bring me down  
No cause I'm already here  
  
Fragment from 3Doors Down's "Duck and Run"  
  
The Curse, part 8  
Three days after Albus had left- Severus called the professors together for a meeting. He'd been putting on so much weight lately he had to come up with an explanation. One more month of pretending like nothing was going on wouldn't do it. Minerva had started to give him snide side-looks by the dining table, and Severus was pretty sure his obvious eating disorder was the top issue in every discussion amongst the teachers. He was surprised he'd escaped the headmaster's sharp eye for so long, and was only too happy the old wizard had gone away for the convention. He wouldn't have been nearly as easy to deceive as the rest of the professors. And with Dumbledore out of the way, Severus could make a little white lie to keep the rest of the "gang" at arms' length the last six weeks of his pregnancy.  
  
They all sat there waiting for him when he entered the teachers' lounge, probably dying to know what he had to tell them. Professor Sprout and Professor Flitwick looked so impatient Snape smirked as he slowly sat down in one of the two free seats.  
  
"So what's this important issue you need to share with us?" Professor McGonagal asked, pretending not to be interested at all. But the eager look on her face betrayed her. Severus rested his aching back against the chair and started his little speech:  
  
"Well, as you all see- lately I've been putting on a little weight.."  
  
"A little? A ton more likely!" Flitwick whispered to Sprout who started sniggering. Severus raised one eyebrow, ignored them, and continued:  
  
"I guess you're wondering why, and the reason is because it's part of my research. I'm currently developing a weight loss-potion and to be sure it works well I'm gonna test it on my self. If my research is successful I'll probably have the potion ready in a month or two, and will be slim again some hours after the potion is taken."  
  
"Are you experimenting with your own body?!" Madame Pomfry said, looking shocked: "What if something goes wrong, then you'll have to trim it off the old fashion way. And if you don't mind me saying, you're not the athletic type, Severus."  
  
"I believe in my work," Severus simply said and his lip curled: "Why... don't you Poppy?" She blushed and looked down:  
  
"Of course I do, Severus, I just think it's a bit risky tempering with your body like that.." Oh, if she only knew.. Severus almost burst out laughing.  
  
The next thing on his agenda this day was an appointment with a tailor. He had avoided this as long as he possibly could, but now the buttons in his pants, overcoat and shirts threatened to pop every time he sat down, and the looks of everybody anticipating this was getting annoying. Therefore he had to bite the sour apple and make the appointment. The clothes would take a week to be finished, though, so there was still time to burst a few buttons and move uneasily around in too tight clothes. One and a half month to go, and Harry even looked kindly at him sometimes. If it wasn't for the backaches and the sleepless nights Severus would have felt blessed. He was so large now he found no sitting, standing or laying position comfortable any more. And to wobble around the halls, made him feel like a rhino on land. Big and in the wrong element. The only place he felt remotely comfortable was in water. Therefore he spent long hours in his bathtub relaxing when he had the chance. The warm water relaxed both the baby and his back, and Severus could lean back and rest his eyes.  
  
He was starting to get nervous about the birth. He was normally a slim man and to give birth to a child should never be taken lightly, especially if the "mother to be" was a man.. He'd found some information on the subject and didn't like what he'd learned so far. There was a 30 percent chance both he and the child would die during the birth, and the list of possible complications was long and painful. But he reckoned he would manage somehow and that Albus would help if anything went wrong. He should be back until then. Severus' skin was already painfully stretched and he had no idea how it would react to another month of growth. At least the baby was doing just fine, it kicked, shifted, stretched and grew just as it should according to the books. Sometimes Severus wondered if the tiny infant was using his ribs as some sort of instrument, in that case his son or daughter would have no problem banging loose on a drum when he/she got older. Music by the way calmed the baby down. Severus had a large classical collection of muggle CDs which he played in the evenings, the only reason he actually got a few hours of sleep every other night. He still was bothered with strong mood-swings though, but he only let his guard down when he was behind locked doors in his private quarters. But there was one thing he never allowed himself to do: to dream about a future with Harry.  
  
  
*-*  
  
Hermione had been fussing all day. She was sure she had seen some signs of pain in Severus' eyes and she wanted Harry to go check on him immediately.   
It was during dinner she had seen these supposed signs of pain and now she was beneath herself in worry.  
  
"Take it easy, Mione- he has a full month left!" Harry said as they headed for the dormitory.  
  
"But what if something's wrong?" Hermione whimpered: "What if he's lying on the cold floor down in the dungeons right now- in agony?"  
  
"Mione, will you cut that out?!" Ron sighed. He was fed up with all the Snape talk she'd been spreading lately.  
  
"The old bat's probably drinking some goat blood this very minute!" Hermione served him a resentful look.  
  
"You're so unbelievably cold, you know that? You wouldn't care less if he died, would you?"  
  
"That's not true!" Ron said, anger burning in his eyes: "I still don't like what he's done to Harry, but that don't mean I wish him dead!" Harry sighed.  
  
"Will you two please stop bickering? What if I take you down to the dungeons, then you, Mione, will see that he's just fine and you, Ron, will see he don't drink sheep-blood or whatever you were saying." They both looked at each other and then nodded.  
  
"Fine," Harry said and turned: "Let's go then."  
  
This time Snape's door was locked. Harry knocked it gently as a glimpse of white skin flashed before his eyes. The door opened magically, revealing Snape at his usual spot by the desk. He looked surprised when he saw his visitors, but not afraid.  
  
"I see you bring guests today, Potter?" He said, not standing up, as gravity seemed to root him to the chair.  
  
"We're sorry to come barging in like this, Professor Snape, we were just worried about you," Hermione said and tried to smile without looking scared.  
  
"Hermione was, not we," Ron interrupted as he looked around the room. Harry could see goosebumps forming on his neck. Hermione gave him a look that would have killed a strong beetle.  
  
"During the dinner, you looked so tired. I thought maybe you were in pain." She stepped bravely forward all though she seemed to expect Snape to bite her head off any second. Snape sighed.  
  
"They know, I presume?" He said and looked at Harry. Harry nodded and blushed.  
  
"They were my security the night I... found out about everything.."  
  
"Well then. I can inform you I'm just fine, Miss Granger. In fact if I were not I would probably not be able to sit here at all, and to say the least-not have dinner. I guess you caught a moment when my little secret kicked the hell out of my intestines. That hurts I have to admit, but I can live with it." His lip curled ever so slightly:  
  
"So, why are you here, Weasley? Since you're not concerned about my well being if I got it right?" Ron blushed by the blunt honesty of the older man.  
  
"He was curious if you drink goat-blood," Harry answered with a twinkle in his eye before Ron had even opened his mouth.  
  
"That's not true!" Ron yelled in panic, but he soon seemed to forget his fears. It dawned on the three of them that Snape was laughing! Severus Snape was laughing so hard he had to clutch his stomach!  
  
"Goat-blood!" He gasped between the attacks: "That's a first!" And he looked so cheerful Harry, Hermione and Ron silently wondered if the man had gone mad. They had never heard him laugh before, and the sound of his laughter was so wholeheartedly none of them believed their ears.  
  
"Are.. you all right?" Harry asked carefully and looked at Snape in concern. As an answer Severus stood up from the chair with great difficulty and hovered over the floor towards Ron who, by the way, looked terrified. He had never seen Snape like this before and probably presumed it meant trouble.  
  
"It isn't true, it isn't true! Harry was just making it up!" he whimpered and looked desperately around in order to find an escape route.  
  
"Don't worry, Weasly, I'm not going to turn you into a toad or anything!" Snape laughed and walked past Ron and over to one of his many shelves with disturbing contents. There he reached for a bottle with something red in it.  
  
"Here." He handed the bottle over to Ron: "Here's some goat-blood for you. I use it in some of my potions but I've never tried drinking it before. Perhaps you'll like to give it a try? If it tastes any good- let me know!" Ron looked like he didn't know whether to run and hide or just stand still to get smacked in the head with a blunt object. He'd grown up into a tall and strong young man the last few years, but he'd never forgotten his respect for the Potions Master Snape. Severus brushed past Harry and went over to the desk again where he sat down, very awkwardly, on the creaking chair. He looked as jolly as Santa Clause there he sat, resting his right arm on his stomach. Then his face changed and reassumed the blank features he was so known and feared for.  
  
Hermione had a fascinated look on her face. Her gaze rested on Severus' belly.  
  
"It's so incredible," she whispered, as if she was studying some great artwork. Harry noticed a change in Severus' eyes. He looked almost moved for a second. Then his eyes went blank again and he made a courteous wave with his hand.  
  
"As greatly as your visit amuses me I have work to do," he said and raised a brow as his lip curled as only Snape's lip can. Harry took the hint and dragged his friends out the door. Hermione didn't seem to want to let go of the sight of Snape's abdomen, and Ron was clutching his pint of goat-blood with a cheery smile on his face.  
  
"That's the first time Snape's actually been kinda cool!" He said as they went through the corridors, him shaking his bottle slightly: "I mean, the old toad actually laughed! I sure thought he was gonna fry me with his wand or something when he came at me like that!"  
  
"Did you actually say something nice about Professor Snape for a change?" Hermione sniggered as she gave Ron an elbow in the side. 


	9. The Curse, part 9

Hi, all! :)  
  
I'm sorry about the delay, many things like a small fire in my building (in the middle of the night before my bloody exam), exams and royal weddings made my tiny brain forget to post the next chapter, so I hope you'll forgive me? :) If it's any conselation the chapter ten is gonna be a long and angsty one. (OK, so I'm not very good at foreshadowing..) It's gonna be a far bit longer than the previous ones because I didn't want to chop it up in the middle of it all, sort of speak.  
  
Hope you'll enjoy! :)  
  
Hugs,  
Restina  
  
  
  
I'll never let you see  
The way my broken heart is hurtin' me  
I've got my pride and I know how to hide  
All my sorrow and pain  
I'll do my crying in the rain  
  
Fragment from "Crying In The Rain" by Everly Brothers  
  
  
The Curse, part 9  
Eight days after the disgracing measuring of his body, done by a tailor who seemed to have no idea what he was doing, Severus' new set of clothes finally came. Eight sturdy owls looked near death as they collapsed on top of the teachers' table by breakfast. If Snape could he would have blushed. Silent giggling soared through the hall as Severus hastily gathered the packs and headed for the door. Finally that idiot of a tailor had delivered his merchandise, one whole day past the agreed time. Severus almost ran down to the dungeons to try on the new clothes. This morning he'd blown three buttons of his overcoat as he sat down on his bed to tie his shoes! He ripped the old clothes of his back and dressed in the new ones. The disappointment was clearly written in Severus' face. The clothes he now was wearing would have fitted nicely a week ago, but now they were already starting to get to small. There was nothing else to do than to make another enlargement-spell.  
  
Later that same day he had potion with the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. As head of Slytherin he would normally favor the rotten little bastards, but not anymore. After the death of Voldemort there was no need to suck up to the offspring of death-eaters anymore. Points were drawn as easily from his own house as from any other and he loathed most of them openly. He'd seen many of them fight on the side of evil in the Great War and there was no doubt in his heart that many of them still belonged there.  
  
The only one he actually knew had turned from Voldemort was Draco Malfoy, as he had seen it with his own eyes. And given the fact Malfoy had to give up his parents in the process there was little doubt the boy finally had seen the horror awaiting him if he stayed on the side of darkness. After the war the young man had become quiet. The snide remarks and the superior face had died the same day as his parents. Severus felt pity for the boy, but he knew Albus was taking care of him precisely as he had taken care of Severus when he once took his first step towards the light. He didn't envy the ordeal this kid would have to go through, he knew only too well how it felt.  
  
He wrote the ingredients of today's potion on the blackboard as usual, and then turned and told the students in a silky voice that they were going to make a potion only few of them would manage to get right. This, of course, lit determination and eagerness in Hermione Granger's eyes, as well as it lit desperation in Neville Longbottom's eyes.  
  
"This potion is one that, if made correctly, will ensnare the very mind of a human being. You will feel enchanted, you will feel renewed, and you will fall in love with the first person you lay your eyes on." The girls all started giggling, while loud moans came from the boys.  
  
"But if made wrong, this potion may get explosive. Therefore I tell you not to insert any gingerroot or beetle-shells before I get a look at your potion. And you have to be careful not to heat it up too fast, the potion must only simmer or else it will get ruined." This was one of the hardest potions the students would learn. Sure it wasn't a potion much in use any more, but it was tradition, and it also was a test for a student's skills.  
  
"When the potion's finished we'll try it on a lucky student." Severus couldn't help for the sadistic smile playing on his lips when he heard the loud moans from the young men around the room.  
  
"And not to worry, I have the antidote right here," he said and patted his chest pocket where he carried a tiny flask with a silver blue liquid.  
  
"But when you've tried the potion you'll probably be so head over heals over that special someone you'll probably refuse to take it." It was just as amusing every year. The glow in Severus' eyes could be mistaken for evilness, but he was just having a good time seeing the students sweating. In this room there was only one safe from becoming the guinea pig, and that was his bonded.  
  
The students went to work on their potions. Hermione was so concentrated she seemed to block out the entire world in the process. Neville seemed to be fighting with his tears as usual. Snape had acted kindly towards him for the last few months, but Neville was convinced the Professor was toying with him and was therefore even more afraid of him. So Severus found it best to leave him alone rather than try to help him.  
  
*-*  
  
An hour later a foul stench was clouding up the classroom. Thirteen cauldrons were destroyed due to a too rapid heating of the potion they were containing. So far only Hermione had finished it without flaws. Her potion was now simmering, brightly blue in the cauldron and she looked so proud Severus could have sworn her ears were moving upwards. Neville was the only one who'd not begun to heat his potion. He was sweating over the gingerroots and beetle-shells, looking bewildered and scared. Severus felt sorry for the boy.  
  
"Here, Neville let me help you!" He went down the rows of student desks to lend Neville a helping hand. A look of horror appeared on Neville's face as Severus approached him, and before anyone had a chance to even blink he'd scooped up a handful of gingerroot cubes and crushed beetle shells and thrown it into the cauldron.  
  
"Neville, NOO..." Severus voice got caught off by a deafening explosion. The shockwave hit him in the midsection and threw him backward across the room and he went flying into the blackboard with a sickening crash. He barely remembered opening his eyes to see a room filled with panic before he fainted.  
  
*-*  
  
The scene had seemed so unreal. The potion had exploded and sent a shockwave upwards and downwards the midsection of the room. Luckily no one was standing there at the time, except for Severus Snape. The sight of him flying across the room to crash into the wall felt so unbelievable Harry was sure he was dreaming. But the screaming and the stench were to real to be only a dream. People were fleeing for their lives, all physically unmarked by the explosion but all afraid. Hermione was screaming at Neville for being the biggest idiot in the world, while Neville was crying his eyes out. Ron was running towards Snape to see if he was still breathing and Harry just sat there as if he was carved in stone, not able to move an inch. Was the dreadful wish he'd made some months ago finally coming true? No! He didn't want this! He didn't want Severus to die! He got to his feet, blinded by tears, as he ran towards the wall where Snape was laying, not moving at all.  
  
"Is he.." Harry got down on his knees besides Ron who was currently checking the professor's pulse. He couldn't be dead, he couldn't!" A small trail of blood was dripping from the older man's lower lip.  
  
"He has a pulse, and he's breathing, with some difficulty," Ron said, sounding relieved by the sign of life the man's throat just had given him. He started to loosen the tie round Snape's neck and unbuttoned some of the upper buttons of his shirt. Severus then stirred and opened his eyes. Panic lit his eyes as he tried to sit up, but couldn't.  
  
"Don't try to move, Professor. You had a pretty bad bang to your back, I think it would be wise for you to rest for a bit." Ron patted his arm and pulled off his cloak to lie it under Snape's head for support.  
  
"No, " Snape still tried to sit up: "the baby." A single tear ran silently down his cheek.  
  
"I can't feel the baby," he whispered. Harry felt his stomach turn into stone. He wanted to support the man but he was frozen, unable to move. Ron on the other hand seemed able to keep his head cool.  
  
"Don't worry, Professor- I bet it's just fine! A bit shocked maybe, but fine. What you need now is some rest. I suggest we get some help from Hermione to do a floating spell on you. That way you can just lie back and enjoy the ride." Hermione entered the room as on cue after headhunting Neville down the corridor.  
  
"Did you say Floating spell?" she panted as she tucked up her sleeves. Three minutes later Severus was put in bed. He looked pale even for him. Harry stood beside Ron. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to comfort his supposed soul mate, but he seemed to have lost his ability of speech.  
  
"The baby," Snape whispered again as trembling fingers brushed over his abdomen. "I can't feel it, why doesn't it move?" Hermione stepped forward and lay a hand on his stomach, searching for signs of life.  
  
"Do you want me to get Madam Pomfry?" Ron asked Severus who was currently biting his lip in anxiety.  
  
"No.. I don't know." Severus looked scared. Harry knew he didn't want Madame Pomfry to learn his secret whereas he at the same time feared for the life of their unborn child.  
  
"There is a spell." Hermione said as she had a pondering look on her face: "A quite simple one. It picks up the heartbeat of a baby, almost like a muggle stethoscope."  
  
"Stillorion," Severus breathed. He seemed to be dozing off again.  
  
"Yes, that's it!" Hermione lifted her wand and uttered the spell. The sound of a beating heart magically resounded around them.  
  
"It's beating awfully fast!" Ron whispered to Hermione.  
  
"It's supposed to do that silly!" Hermione said, smiling: "The baby is just fine!" Severus' pale face looked relieved.  
  
Madame Pomfry came bursting through the door just as Hermione tucked the blanket closer around her Potions Professor.  
  
"I just heard, Malfoy told me about the accident," she breathed. Someone was obviously not used to run through the halls.  
  
"We think he'll be fine after a few hours of sleep and resting his back," Hermione reported like a trained nurse: "He got the worst blow on his stomach when the explosion hit him and on his back as he crashed into a wall." Madame Pomfry gave the pale man a searching look.  
  
"I should give him a proper checkup," she said and moved towards the bed.   
  
"Stop right there!" Severus hissed, some life and stamina returning to his eyes as he saw her coming: "There'll be no checking up on this man, and you can stop talking as if I'm not even here!"   
  
"Don't be ridiculous, Severus! You may have hurt your back, I need to see if you are all right!"  
  
"I'm fine, woman!" Severus panted: "I just need some rest." She looked at him, apparently trying to scan him with her very eyes as a look of resentment climbed her face.   
  
"I really would feel better if I just could..."  
  
"No." Severus showed no signs of retrieving all though he seemed to be passing out at any second. Madame Pomfrey sighed as she knew she was fighting a lost battle.   
  
"Now, well. I trust one of you will sit with him until he recovers? If he has any pain anywhere when he wakes up, don't hesitate to call me. He's a stubborn bastard but if he's not feeling better by the evening I'm examining him no matter how loud his protests are!"  
  
Harry watched as Madame Pomfry went out the door and desperately wished he could go with her. All this was his fault! If Snape lost the baby he would be to blame! Severus by the way passed out the very second Pomfrey had closed the door behind her. Harry stared as Hermione and Ron took off the Professor's shoes.  
  
"Harry, unbutton his overcoat, it looked awfully tight," Hermione said as she placed Severus' shoes neatly by the side of the bed. Harry looked at her dumbly, then looked at Snape.  
  
"Come on Harry! What's with you?! For god's sake, help him!" Hermione snapped and pushed him towards the bed. Harry swallowed. A wave of guilt washed over him.  
  
"It's my fault," he whispered. Hermione and Ron both looked confused.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I wished it. When I first knew of the bonding and the baby. I wished them dead.." Harry looked much older than his age as he stepped backwards, away from the bed: "I wished it, and it almost happened." Tears were starting to run down Harry's cheeks.  
  
"That's nonsense, Harry and you know it!" Hermione said in a mild tone as she laid an arm around his shoulder.  
  
"It was a bad shock for you, and you think many things under such circumstances. You know in your heart you didn't mean it, and that it was only a brief thought, Harry."  
  
"Yeah, don't hang with your head, Harry! I would have thought the exact very same thing for a second if it was me!" Ron patted Harry on the back.  
  
"Come on Mione let's leave Harry alone for a little while." Harry stared after them as they exited the room. He was alone. In the bed Severus started to moan softly, as if he was having a bad dream. Harry dried his tears and went toward the bed to do the task he'd been given. He slowly lifted the blanket away, while Severus whimpered silently. He looked afraid.  
  
"Ssshh, I'm here, you're not alone," Harry whispered and laid a hand on Snape's cheek. The Potions Master calmed down with his touch and his face looked neutral again. Very carefully Harry started to unbutton Severus' overcoat. Hermione was right, it was awfully tight. Harry had a hard time trying to lurk up the buttons without disturbing the passed out man. His fingers trembled slightly as more and more of Snape's white shirt came into the open. It felt so odd touching him. A new sensation filled Harry's mind as his fingers brushed the thin shirt and felt the stretched skin beneath it. He'd never been so close to Snape before and his heart started racing as he finished the last button. Severus looked beautiful. Harry almost laughed as his mind confessed it. But the clouds were disappearing from his eyes, feelings were starting to emerge. And as his soul started realising its destiny Harry leant down and kissed the stomach of Severus Snape.  
  
*-*  
  
Severus awoke in the evening, with a serious ache in nearly all his body. He hesitated whether he should open his eyes. He didn't want to wake up alone and lonely, and he did absolutely not want to wake up realising something inside him was dead. He had placed a protection spell on the infant a long time ago. This would protect the baby to a certain point, but not against any kind of blow. He let out a moan of relief when a foot kicked him painfully in a rib.  
  
"Severus.. are you awake?" Severus opened his eyes in surprise. He wasn't alone. Harry was there with him. He was sitting on the side of his bed looking relieved.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Harry asked. He showed no sign of moving from the bed, and Severus liked that.  
  
"A bit shaken, but not stirred," he answered with a small frown that couldn't hide his happiness. The baby stretched and patted the inside of his stomach with a small hand. Severus pulled down the blanket tucked around him and tried to sit up. But the weight on top of him was pinning him down on his bed and an aching back made it all so much more difficult.  
  
"I don't think you should try and get up just yet," Harry said with worried eyes stating his point.  
  
"Well I don't have much choice unless I want to wet my bed," Severus groaned and tried once more.  
  
"Here, let me help you!" Harry reached out his hands. Severus hesitated for a moment. He wasn't used accepting any offers of help, at least not in a clear state of mind. But he looked into Harry Potter's eyes and saw the kindness, the spark of determination and something new. He dived into these sparkling green eyes, sensing security, trust and that something he couldn't determine. Severus took the hand Harry offered and let him steady him all the way to the bathroom. It made him feel sort of safe, a sensation that scared him almost senseless. He couldn't grow too attached to the young man he had to leave at some point after the birth. He was afraid he would go away with a heart too shattered to mend and he couldn't do that to the child he was set to raise. Therefore he got rid of Harry with a sneer on his face after he'd helped him back to bed again. He needed rest, or at least that was his excuse. Harry almost looked disappointed as he left. He seemed to have something to say, but changed his mind when Severus turned his back on him.  
  
As the door shut Severus realised he still was almost fully dressed. He made some poor attempts to get out of the bed, looking like a stranded whale, before he decided he needed no nightshirt and this clothes would do just fine.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry didn't sleep at all that night. His mind was raging with new and scaring feelings and his body seemed to be on fire. The sight of the sleeping man hadn't escaped his mind no matter how hard he had tried to shut it out. Why was he fussing like this? Snape had acted cold and unthankful, he'd stated he didn't want Harry's company. But the peace on his face in his sleep. The secret he carried so gracefully deep inside his heart, and the look on his eyes as Harry had offered him a hand. Harry tossed back and forth, not able to find any comfortable positions. He ripped off his shirt to help the heat off, but still felt like he was burning. What was happening to him??  
  
By daylight he got up, dressed and decided to go for a walk on the campus. That would surely ease his mind and cool him down. Fresh air and a cool March wind played with his black hair as he went for a stroll alongside the lake. Slowly he hurried his pace, slowly his steps became more rapid, and his heart beat faster, his mind filling with more and more thoughts too huge for his young age. His pacing went from jogging to running. His feet raced the ground in such a menacing pace one may have wondered if he was possessed. And he felt possessed. Something had entered his mind and denied letting go no matter how hard he shook. Black bottomless eyes hunted him, and he ran until he ran out of breath, until he collapsed on the grass gasping for air. Tears clouded his eyes as he slowly recovered from the running, from whatever it was he couldn't escape.  
  
He avoided Snape the following days. He made sure he was all right and thereby excused himself with work. Hermione and Ron went to check on him from time to time the days he was still too weak to get up from bed. But Harry kept his distance. Something about Snape made him weak and that scared him. He didn't want to change anything between them one way or the other and the last few days had been so confusing. He didn't know what was troubling him but he was pretty sure it would get worse if he allowed himself to let go. He was to be a father in a couple of weeks that was enough for now, and by far. 


	10. The Curse, part 10

So.. my story is dragging towards the end... just one more part to go after this one. *sniffle* Thank you all for the kind words you've uttered so far, I greatly appreciate it! :D   
  
Hope you'll enjoy this part as well.  
  
Hugs,  
Restina  
  
  
I wish that I could cry,  
fall upon my knees  
Find a way to lie  
about a home I'll never see  
It may sound absurd,  
but don't be naive  
Even heroes have the right to bleed  
I may be disturbed  
but won't you concede-  
even heroes have the right to dream  
And it's not easy to be- me.  
  
Fragment from Superman, by Five for Fighting  
  
  
The Curse, part 10  
Severus recovered quickly from the accident down in the dungeons. After three days in bed he felt strong enough to jump out of bed. Or to be more precise, arch his way up.. It felt nice being able to wobble around in the halls again, at least his heavy belly didn't weigh him down as much as it did when he laid flat in bed. With two and a half weeks to go he was starting to get impatient. He just wanted to get it over with. All this waiting and the sleepless nights were wearing him down, and he hadn't seen Harry at all the last couple of days. He missed him although he knew this was for the best. He had to get used to the idea of spending the rest of his life alone. But he would be blessed with their child.  
  
Madame Pomfry had been most painful to cope with during this ordeal. She had wanted to do a physical check-up on him, but he had denied her to do anything more than a small check-up on his back, wearing his nightshirt. She nagged and nagged about how important it was for her to actually see his back, and to do some scans, but Severus was stubborn. There was no way she would get any chance to reveal his secret! So she had to settle for the next best thing. Hermione and Ron had dared their way down to see to him from time to time and this surprised him. Especially Ron's presence. And it pained him equally that Harry never found any time to see him.  
  
*-*  
  
The next week dragged away like an endless night. Severus felt gravity pulling every single hour of the day, trying to drag him down. The weight balance in his stomach shifted, making him feel even heavier. This probably was the child preparing for birth, turning its head downwards. And Harry still was as distant as he had been after the accident down in the dungeons. He never met Severus' gaze anymore in classes, at meals or in the hallway. Severus supposed Harry was starting to feel the pressure of the near coming event and needed time to cope. And Severus counted the days to when his secret would be revealed. One week and a half. Albus should be back in three, four days, just in time for the biggest scandal of all time at Hogwarts. A teacher having a child with a student!  
  
He felt uncomfortable no matter what. His appetite grew small and dark rings formed beneath his eyes. Minerva asked him kindly how he was doing one Monday and he'd answered her fine, and thereby he'd escaped to his private quarters bawling his eyes out. He didn't feel fine at all! He was big, fat and ugly and he was so tired he just wanted to lie down and sleep a hundred years. He hated his body. The skin on his belly was stretched so tight it ached all the time, and his back ached due to the strain it was under. Thankfully the baby had calmed down lately, probably due to the lack of space to rumble in. Severus felt time was closing in, it could only be a matter of a couple of days. He didn't know whether to be glad for this or to dread like a dog. But he knew he didn't have the strength to continue like this much longer..  
  
*-*  
  
He first noticed it late one night he was tossing in bed trying to get some sleep. It was a small stabbing pain in the back, not long-lasting that returned every thirty minutes or so. Severus didn't think too much about it. It could be anything and he didn't bother with getting upset, excited or whatever he was supposed to be. He had four hours of Potions Classes to teach the following day and his mind settled on that and he ignored the cramps the following hours.  
  
He felt like he'd gained a ton when he got out of bed the following morning. But the cramps weren't getting any worse, and they weren't easing off either. He reckoned it would do him good to move his body and to eat some breakfast. He felt like a penguin as he made his way to the great hall for the first meal of the day. Students were giggling as he went by them and despite his usual self Severus ignored them. He sat down by the teachers' table and tried to eat, but felt too bloated. Instead his eyes wandered down to the table where Harry was seated. Harry didn't return his gaze. He looked too preoccupied with a conversation with Ron. Severus sighed. He had a feeling this would be one of the longest days in his life.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry felt guilty. Of course he did! He didn't like avoiding Snape like this, but he had to. Something would happen if he didn't watch himself, Harry could feel it. His heart jumped every time he caught a glimpse of Severus and he always had that image in his head for the rest of the day if so. Now he'd just glimpsed up at the teachers' table by lunch and he'd seen a man looking paler than usual and with no appetite what so ever. And his mind started to race. Severus had to be dead tired by now, with only two weeks left or something like that it was only natural he'd look a little worn. Harry wished Severus would stop doing this to himself. He was wearing himself out couldn't he see that? He should rest and gain some strength before the birth, not work like there was nothing going on! Harry decided to have a talk with him in the nearest future, but not today. Today he had his final Quidditch match of the year, probably his last Quidditch match ever and nothing would take his mind of that.  
  
Still his thoughts stayed with Severus all through the day. And as he soared to the air on his Firebolt he noticed Severus wasn't there. He usually didn't miss a Quidditch match, so Harry found this odd. But as the game started all this left Harry's mind. Now there was nothing else in his head except the need to catch the golden snitch and win his last game. And as a born star Harry did what everyone expected, winning the game for his team and providing Gryffindor with the Quidditch Cup. The rest of the day was a feast of food and happiness and Harry never thought anymore about the reason why Snape hadn't attended the game. He went to bed late at night, heart bulging with pride, and he fell asleep almost immediately. Just then, something Ron's sister had mentioned earlier suddenly struck his sleeping mind. She had been at a potions class after lunch and she'd told Ron Snape had gotten a weird expression on his face during the class. He had bent over like he had a stomachache or something and she even thought he looked a little afraid. Ron guessed this probably was another baby kick and Harry had agreed.  
  
It was late night when Harry woke with a start. He heard the door creaking and some light had found its way in the pitch-dark room as the door slowly opened. Severus Snape came staggering into the room, leaning against the wall, clutching his stomach with his right arm. His breath was rapid and even in the dark his eyes seemed to burn with pain.  
  
"H-harry.." A soft moan came from the man as he continued inside, careful not to wake anyone but Harry.  
  
"Severus! What's wrong?!" Harry got out of bed and jumped towards the crouching man.  
  
"I.. I think.. it's .. coming." Severus gasped and took one more halting step towards Harry. His face was wet with sweat:  
  
"I thought I could.. handle it alone... but.." Severus feet were starting to cave in under him. Harry had him lean on his shoulder.  
  
"I'm taking you to Hermione's room, she's head-girl this year and has the room all to her self," Harry whispered as he helped Severus out the door.   
  
*-*  
  
All day long, Severus had done his best to hide the pain that had taken a hold of his body, but it became harder and harder. How he had managed to stay on his feet and teach classes at the end of the day he had no idea. But when time came for the Quidditch match there was no way he could act as he was just fine any more. Contractions tore his body slowly apart, and the only thing he could think of was to lie down and get some rest between every contraction. He had bumped into Minerva on his way down to the dungeons, cold sweat on his forehead and a pained look on his features.  
  
"Severus, I really think you're going too far with this research of yours!" she said as he tried to stagger past her. She didn't let him pass her though, strict look on her face.  
  
"You'll stop this fattening right now, or I will complain to the headmaster when he comes back!" Severus really didn't need this right now. He looked calmly at her and told her to step aside through gritted teeth. But Minerva didn't nudge one millimeter.  
  
"You're sick, Severus. I've been standing on the sideline far to long, letting you do this to your self. But now it has to stop!" Conveniently another contraction jerked hold of his back as he tried to look amused by the old witch's sincere concern.  
  
"Please, woman! If it pleases you I'll stop right now, all right?! No more experimenting. I'll just stop eating and get slim again, just as you want. Now, PLEASE let me pass you- I do not have the time to stand in a hall squabbling with an old witch with a long nose!" His voice was no more than a growl, and he bared his teeth like a wolf trapped in a corner. It worked. Minerva moved aside, looking pretty upset and for once lost for words.  
  
He dragged himself down to his private quarters and crushed down in bed, wishing the pain would go away for a while so he could get some rest. He was too tired for this right now, he just wanted to get some sleep. But he knew he had hours of pain ahead of him and that Albus wouldn't be there to save him this time.  
  
The problem with a magical conceived child is that it has to be born "unmagically". Any spell cast to ease the pain of the one giving birth could very well kill the infant. Any natural drugs could stop the birth, as it was not a normal birth. Basically Severus had hell in front of him and he knew this only too well. But the pain wasn't what felt worst. Severus was afraid. He had never felt so afraid or alone his whole miserable life. He, the fearless alchemist was so afraid he cried in his own bed. He had been so sure he would get through this without any help at all, deal with the pain and the loneliness, but now he felt more alone than ever. And as the contractions soared through his body- his soul and mind grew weaker, his hope crumbled into dust. As the night slowly covered Hogwarts in its cold blanket Severus knew he had to get some help or else he would surly die. No matter how much it would pain him, Severus had to beg Harry for help.  
  
*-*  
  
Now, he looked so worn out Harry was astounded Severus had managed to get this far all by himself. He was panting heavily as he tried to match Harry's slow pace. When they finally were down the stairs and in front of Hermione's door Harry could barely hold him up anymore. He knocked softly on the door. No answer. He knocked harder, still no answer. Harry had one look on Severus and decided there was no time to be polite. He opened the door and helped Severus inside.  
  
"Hermione!" He kept his voice down as he helped the hurting man toward Hermione's bed.  
  
"Hermione wake up!" To his great surprise two shadows stirred and the well-known grunt of Ron Weasly when someone wakes him up too early in the morning would in other circumstances have been quite amusing. But not now. Severus needed help, fast.  
  
"Harry, what is it?" Hermione asked, sounding rather irritated as she fumbled around in the semidarkness to find the switch of the light on her nightstand. The dark figure of Ron jumped out of bed and seemed to be searching for something. The light went on, and there he stood in a pink pair of boxers.  
  
"Mione!" he squealed but piped down immediately when he noticed Harry wasn't alone.  
  
"Please, he needs to lay down.. I couldn't drag him all the way back to the dungeons," Harry said and helped Severus to sit on the side of Hermione's bed. Hermione was blushing heavily, but regained her old self soon enough to remember to put on a T-shirt before she jumped out of the bed.  
  
"Here, lay him down," she said and moved the blanket for them. Severus arched down to his side and then over to his back, face covered with sweat, pain and exhaustion. Harry started to unbutton his coat and shirt, while Hermione helped him off with his shoes.  
  
"How long have you been sick?" Harry asked Severus as he slowly worked his way down the buttons of the Professor's clothes.  
  
"Twenty four hours.. give.. or take.." the Professor answered with a moan. His night-black locks were soaking wet, and so were most of his clothes. But most disturbing was another fluid staining his shirt and some of his cloak- blood. Harry felt desperation and fear fill his head as he touched the bloodstained fabric. He got an urge to run away and hide, as so many times before during the last few months. But he saw the fear reflecting in dark eyes and knew there was no way he could leave this man now.  
  
"Twenty four hours?" he replied: "Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"Beacuse I thought.. I could handle it.. I've only been having ..heavy contractions since lunch..time." Severus had a pityful look on his face. Harry was ashamed he hadn't noticed his supposed soul mate's pain. He'd been selfish, only thinking about himself and some stupid Quidditch-match.  
  
Hermione had a look on Severus' belly. She looked deeply concerned and ordered Ron to get a wet cloth. Harry knew she had been reading up on everything she could find about male pregnancies during the last few weeks. She had told him that the man's bellybutton had to be eight to ten centimeters dilated before the birth-passage was wide enough for the baby to pass. And besides there was awfully many elements that could go wrong during such a birth.  
  
Harry felt sick. All that blood, poring out of a hole of Severus' body! How much blood had he already lost, how much blood would he loose? And to see his face contort in pain every time a new contraction ravaged his body. Hermione washed most of the red fluid away so that he could see how far the labor had come.  
  
"Three centimeters.." she said, her voice more tense than what Harry liked. Severus clutched his arms around his belly and he seemed to be fighting the urge to scream.  
  
"Help him sit up," Hermione said, "That will help him work the contractions." Ron and Harry held Severus up while Hermione arranged the pillows to support his back. Severus panted and writhed slightly, but kept surprisingly still.  
  
"I think we should get Madame Pomfrey," Hermione said after wiping Severus forehead with a clean cloth.  
  
"No," Severus breathed and looked her straight in the eye. "Don. don't get. her.. I'll manage.. just a few more minutes and..I'll be.. fully dial.." A small whimper escaped his throat and he clenched his hands into fists.  
  
"Please, Professor- don't hold back! Work with the pain, don't try to will it away. That will only drain your energy." Hermione looked at Harry: "Help him, Harry, he needs to let go!" Harry looked small and afraid, and he knew it. He had no idea how to support this man whose stomach was tearing itself slowly apart. So he did the only thing he could think of, he took Severus' hand and held it tight. Severus clinged to him like a lost child and finally let out a growl. More blood. Harry felt his heart beating faster and faster. He realised he feared for Severus' life and that the grip around his hand was becoming weaker and weaker by the minute. A sudden contraction seemed to have caught the professor by surprise and a scream flung up his throat with such intensity Harry was sure he would hear it again and again in his future nightmares.  
  
"Ron, get Madame Pomfrey, NOW! The Professor needs more help than the three of us can provide." Hermione was determined and there was nothing that could change her mind when she was like this. Her features were cut in stone and her eyes flashed as she bent down to explain the situation to the Potions Master.  
  
"The progress is to slow, Sir. And I fear that both yours and the baby's lives are at stake if you don't get proper help right now." A weak nod was all the answer she got. It seemed like the last of Severus' strength had left with the last contraction, together with the scream that had nearly raptured both his lungs. Harry felt him slowly drift away between the cramps now, only to be ripped back to reality when a new cramp set in. Severus' gaze grew distant, his breathing shallow. Hermione was really worried, and Harry was scared out of his wits.  
  
"Severus, stay with me now, you hear?" Harry squeezed his hand and brushed a cold cheek with a trembling finger. His eyelids flickered before he looked straight at Harry, bottomless hurt scorching his eyes.  
  
"The baby.." he whispered: "I need you to.." Severus had fainted. Tears stung Harry's eyes as he desperately tired to wake the man on the bed looking more dead than alive.  
  
"Severus! You must stay awake, do you hear me, stay awake!!!" Harry started to shiver to the lack of response from the passed out man. The sound of approaching steps caught his ear. Next thing Madame Pomfrey came soaring through the door with an expression of both fury and fear on her face, dressed in a long white night-dress. She didn't say a word, just marched straight to the bed and pinched Severus' cheek. No response.  
  
"RON! My medical-bag!" she roared at the precise moment Ron entered the room with flushing cheeks and heavy breathing.  
  
"How long has he been this way?" Madam Pomfrey checked the passed out man's pulse. She made Harry and Hermione lay Severus down flat on his back again to reduce the pressure on the baby.  
  
"A..a couple of minutes!" Harry stuttered. The mediwitch opened the bag Ron had handed her and sorted through what seemed like hundreds of small bottles with different fluids in them.  
  
"Oh dear, why do I never take the time to tidy up this mess?!" she gnarled through gritted teeth as she tossed one bottle after another harshly away.   
Finally she seemed to have found what she was looking for and leaned over to spill the contents down Severus' throat.  
  
"Come on, come on you stubborn old bastard!!" she growled to the lifeless man. Hermione was crying in the corner, Ron was comforting her as best he could while crying himself. Harry couldn't cry. There were no tears inside him. He was a desert, still he wanted to scream, yell, and roar for Severus to wake up. He didn't want this! He wanted Severus alive, he wanted the baby alive. Maybe he wasn't suited to be a father or to be Severus' soul mate, but that didn't mean he wanted them dead!!!  
  
A hoarse gasp and panicked inhales of air sounded as music to everybody's ears. Severus had been hauled back again with the life-bringing potion Madame Pomfry had given him. He looked no better, though. But he was breathing, and that was a start.  
  
"Poppy?" he breathed as he blinked to state where he was: "What.."  
  
"Severus, if it wasn't for your current condition I would slap you!" Madame Pomfrey said with eyes throwing lightning: "What were you thinking hiding this from me? Do you have any idea of the danger you have put yourself in??!"  
  
"Don't blame him," Harry said and touched her shoulder with a begging hand: "He did it to protect me." Madame Pomfrey turned her flashing gaze towards Harry:  
  
"And why is that, if I may ask?!"  
  
"I'm the father." Harry said barely audible, a cloud of guilt covered his eyes as he fought with the shame welling inside him. Her eyes bulged to the point of no recognition, but she calmed down immediately.  
  
"Now, well. I'll deal with the pair of you later. Now we have a baby to deliver!" She bent down over Severus' stomach and moved her hands over it carefully.  
  
"Something's not right here," she mumbled and ignored a small whimper from Severus who suddenly looked even more disturbed.  
  
"Severus, dear," she said now with her voice low and calm, no trace of anger left in her features: "This is going too slowly. Twenty four hours is a long labor and you're not even fully dilated yet. I'm afraid I need to feel how the baby's doing and that means I have to be a bit rough. I'm gonna place my hands on your stomach and decide how the baby is positioned, all right?" Tears of pain were streaming down the face of the dog tired man, but he gave his consent with a small nod. Harry didn't know whether to go hold Severus' hand or to keep out of Pomfrey's way so he stayed put.  
  
"Harry?" a whisper came from the bed. Uncertain eyes, a trembling hand. Harry sat down on his knees by the bed, holding Severus' fingers. A relieved sigh came from the hurting man and Madame Pomfrey went ahead with her work.  
  
  
A minute later Severus had vomited all over himself and he now felt so utterly humiliated he was sure he couldn't sink any lower. The pressure provided to his stomach by Poppy's trained hands were to much for his stomach-sack and it had done the only thing possible, ridded it self with the food it was digesting. Maybe he should be thankful it came up an didn't continue down and out an even more humiliating place, but Severus was to tired to thank any lucky star for such things right now.  
  
Harry was cleaning him as best as he could, while Madame Pomfrey continued her examination with excruciating results.  
  
"I think he's gonna throw up again! Ron, help me get him over to the side!" Harry's voice somewhere in front of the mist that covered his eyes. He felt the all too well known sensation of something flushing up his throat and out his mouth again. He had done a fair deal of vomiting down in the dungeons the previous hours. This time he wrenched the last drop of gastric juice up his throat and was sure he would start puking intestines any second.  
  
"Roll him over again, I need to finish this no matter how painful it is," Madame Pomfrey said in an apologetic voice. Severus sensed being rolled over to his back again and felt the mediwitch's hard hands over his abdomen once more. He felt Harry's hand embrace his and clutched back, terrified he might let go. Finally Madame Pomfrey removed her hands and the horrible pressure eased a tad.  
  
"No wonder you're not doing any progress, Severus, the baby lays the wrong way!" she said and cleaned her blood stained hands.  
  
"No, ..that's not true," he answered weakly: "I know for a fact the baby has turned with its head down, it's been kicking me in the ribs to state it to!" He saw two Poppy's hovering over him.  
  
"Well, you're both right and wrong," she answered: Yes, the baby lays with her head down, but as you are a man, and this pregnancy is a magically generated one, she's supposed to be positioned with her nose up towards your navel. Now she lies with her head facing your spine. That means that if you try to push, and succeed doing so- you may break her neck!" If Severus hadn't looked pale before he certainly did now. If he hadn't gone and seeked help, if he had stayed in the dungeons and tended to the birth himself he would have killed the baby. Harry's baby! The only thing that had kept him sane and determined for the last nine months! A dry rattle that would have been a sob if he had had the strength for it went through his chest. He could have been a killer!  
  
Madame Pomfrey leaned closer to him and stroke his chin with a reassuring finger:  
  
"I have to go in with my hands to turn her around. Now, I'm not gonna lie to you, Severus- this will hurt! But it's the only way we can save her life. She's under a lot of strain right now and we have no time to loose. I'm gonna give you a light potion to help with the pain, but the most important thing for you now is NOT to push! No matter how natural and important if feels, don't push. Pushing may make things worse for both you and the baby right now, you understand?" Severus only wanted Poppy to save the baby so he could fall asleep and never wake up again. He had no idea how he was to survive with Poppy's hands inside him when he'd been beyond agony with her hands on top of him.  
  
*-*  
  
Severus' features shimmered in the glow from the lamp next to him on the nightstand. He was so covered in sweat and agony Harry wondered how the man could ever recover. The blood was poring out the tear in Severus' belly and now Madame Pomfrey was going to wrench her hands through it!  
  
"Harry, Ron! We need to move the bed away from the wall. This way you can hold Severus down on both sides. He needs to lay perfectly still while I do this procedure and spite as weakened as he is I still believe he is able to move if it hurts bad enough. And Hermione, you'll tie down his legs for me while I give him some sedatives." Hermione looked pale, but she did what she was told. Severus Snape desperately tried to jerk his feet away from her grip, but had no chance. Harry watched in silence. It was horrible to see Severus being tied down like a wild animal. And he would have to hold him down while the mediwitch stuck her hands down his navel! He wanted to throw up, but the voice of Madame Pomfrey cut like a knife in his brain.  
  
"Harry Potter, get a move on! Help Ron move the bed, we have no time to loose here!" she screamed while searching for another bottle down her medical bag.  
  
"Hey, there's no need to scream at me!!" Harry yelled back. He was now so out of his mind of fear and despair this shouting witch made his life hell.  
  
"Harry, calm down." Ron patted him on the shoulder: "Help me move the bed now, OK?" Harry sent Madame Pomfrey a scowling gaze and did what Ron had told him. He knew she probably was just as upset as he was and that it was nothing personal that made her scream at him, but he had too many nerves outside his skin right now, he just didn't cope.. Snape had a look of retreat on his face that Harry didn't like at all. He'd given up, Harry was sure of it. And when he'd moved the bed he bent down and tried to get some sort of contact with the man, but he seemed to be near passing out again.  
  
"Severus, Severus?" There was a mumbling response and Severus Snape turned towards him with begging eyes.  
  
"Listen, I know I've said a lot of harsh things lately, but you mustn't worry about that now. Think about the baby and yourself, you hear?" Harry squeezed a lame hand and tried feverishly to cope with the raging war that went on inside him right now.  
  
There were two sides. There was the side that saw the old Snape, the Potions Master, his old fiend. That side saw the man loathing everything decent, the man who felt joy in throwing himself at the weak as well as deadly opponents, a man which hobby was being unfair and just plain nasty. But then there was the new Snape, the vulnerable man, the lonely man, the supposed soul mate. The Snape that tried so well to hide his vulnerability but failed, the man who attacked before being attacked, the man with an inner beauty so well hidden because of his fear and prejudice, the man who didn't dare to trust because he feared to be betrayed. The man who denied his own faith to protect his soul mate. No matter who Severus eventually turned out to be Harry didn't wish this on him. It was inhuman.  
  
"Harry, step away from the bed while I give Severus the sedative!" Madame   
Pomfrey nearly pushed him away from the bedside in her urge to get to Snape. There was a silent moan from the man while he tried to avoid the liquid being pored down his throat, but he surrendered soon enough.  
  
"The sedative will kick in almost instantly, but it's not a strong one. I don't dare give you anything more powerful, but I bet you already knew that, right?" In one second a well-known frown appeared on Snape's face and there was a small curl on his upper lip.  
  
"I also took the liberty to give you some more of the potion I gave you a little while ago. I don't need you passing out on me in the middle of this." She gestured to Harry and Ron to go to their places.  
  
"And please remember- don't push under ANY circumstances- DON'T PUSH!" Her face looked grave as she cleaned her hands with a antibacterial fluid from one of her many bottles.  
  
"Hermione, maybe you could hold his head for me?" she calmly asked as she dried her hands. By Hermione's reaction Harry bet there was nothing less in the whole wide world she wanted to do right now. It simply felt wrong, no matter how necessary it was, to hold down a man like this, to deny him the natural urge to try and fight off the pain scorching his body. And how this ordeal had to feel for the man who cherished his privacy of thoughts, mind and body more than anything.. Harry didn't even want to know.  
  
*-*  
  
Severus felt like some savage animal not to be trusted. He knew it was for his own and the baby's safety, but to be pushed down like this and to have his feet tied to the bedposts.. The seditive took some of the pain, but not remotely as much as he would have liked. He was so afraid he almost pissed his pants as he waited for Madame Pomfrey to start her work. He'd been through so much already he didn't know if he could stand any more. The last nine months and the last twenty four hours rushed through his mind as a pain beyond anything he'd ever imagined grabbed a hold of his whole being and sent him straight to hell. A single thought swirled trough his head: This was the night he would die..  
  
*-*  
  
A scream so terrifying Hermione let go of Snape's head flung through the room moments after the mediwitch started her procedure. All of Severus' body arched and cramped giving Ron and Harry a really hard time holding him down. His eyes wrenched up in horror and the veins on his throat bulged to a point Harry feared they would burst. If it hadn't been for the fact that the stone walls of the castle made most of the rooms practically soundproof the door would have been run down with curious people by now.  
  
"It's gonna be okay, Professor, just hang in there!" Ron's voice was   
high-pitched and rather panicky, but he hid it well. Harry had to close his eyes. He didn't have the heart to see more of the suffering of this man.   
There had to be a better way than this, there had to be!  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAARRGHH!" A new scream sent knives of fear down Harry's spine.   
Hermione whimpered and Harry opened his eyes to see her sobbing over Severus' head, which she was holding in a trembling grasp. Harry looked over to Ron. There was a determined young man sitting opposite him, clutching Severus' shoulder and arm, an expression of steel painted his eyes as he struggled to hold his Professor down. Over by Severus' belly Madame Pomfrey was working in silence. With red bloodstains on her hands, face and nightgown and the focussed look she looked scary enough to send any last year home screaming. Dear god, Snape had to be scared shitless!  
  
The minutes seemed to pass away like hours. The screaming never ended. The man twitching between their arms seemed possessed by a force much stronger than him. By the look on his face there was no energy left in his body.   
Still he screamed and screamed as Madame Pomfrey did her best to save the child within him. And the sedative seemed to have no effect what so ever.   
But suddenly he calmed down. The screaming stopped and something new appeared in his worn eyes. Madame Pomfrey had just finished her work inside him and was now removing her hands from Severus' inside.  
  
"She's the right way now," she said. Severus let out a slight growl and an expression of decision awoke in his eyes. Severus closed his eyes and Harry could feel all of the older mans body arch and wrench as he pushed with all his might.  
  
"NO, Severus! No pushing!" Madame Pomfrey screamed in alarm. Severus' eyes lit with confusion and stubbornness.  
  
"I have.. to push. I feel her. she is .. ready.. now. Can't hold.. her back.. anymore.."  
  
"Listen, Severus- DON'T PUSH! Hermione, Harry come with me for a second."   
She had them follow her to the corner of the room, while Ron tended the man in the bed.  
  
"Why don't you let him push? He's almost worn out already, why wait until he has no strength left?" Harry was confused, and so was Hermione.  
  
"Yes, Harry's right. The Professor's been through enough already. If he gets to push now when it feels natural for him he'll get it over with sooner."  
  
" Now, listen you two," Madame Pomfrey whispered: "I'm afraid he may have damaged some of his muscles in the lower abdomen after that accident he had down in the dungeons last week. If he starts pushing he might very well rapture an artery and bleed to death in mere seconds." NO! Harry's mind screamed. It wasn't fair! Hadn't Severus been through enough? Could there really be more suffering ahead of him?  
  
"How if you use an enlargement spell on his navel?" Hermione suggested: "That way you could pull out the baby and not hurt the Professor in the process." Pomfrey shook her head:  
  
"Any spell provided to Severus will effect the baby as well. I can't take the risk."  
  
"But what are we to do then?!? Watch him slowly bleed to death?!!" Harry whispered angrily. Madame Pomfrey gave him a calculating look and Harry just knew she was wondering how it was Severus had gotten pregnant in the first place, and with his child.  
  
"I depend on Ron's help on that. Go back to Severus, Harry. He needs you more than anything right now!" She shoved him towards the bed and gestured   
Ron to come to her. Harry sat down by the bed again and stroke a wet cloth over Severus' forehead.  
  
"What were you.. whispering about.. " The voice sounded like the voice of an old dying man. "I.. sense..con.. conspira..cy." Blurred eyes tried to search Harry's features.  
  
"We were just discussing your delivery," Harry answered and tried to sound optimistic. Severus didn't seem too impressed by his acting, though.  
  
"I.. know there's ... something.. wrong.." he breathed and clenched a trembling hand to a fist as he did as he was told, ignored the urge to push: "I don't care.. about myself.. Save the.. baby!" A silent sigh made Harry's heart bleed.  
  
"Don't say that! You'll get through this the both of you!" Madame Pomfrey had finished her peptalk with Ron and Hermione and approached the bed.  
  
"Severus, now we'll finally get some things done here, I expect you can't wait?" The voice showed no traces of worry, but her eyes and features said it all. "As I've told you earlier I don't want you to do any pushing."  
  
"And how am.. I.. to do this.. then? Are.. you gonna.. haul it..ou-ut?!" He still tended to his sarcasm, although he seemed to be scared out of his mind.  
  
"You are gonna lie back and try to relax as best as you can, while Ron do the pushing for you." Ron waved his hand nervously as he'd just been called up to a podium. Severus blinked and swallowed heavily.  
  
"Repeat.that.."  
  
"As I said, Ron here is going to push for you, and you're gonna lie back and stay completely passive," Madame Pomfrey repeated impatiently.  
  
"We both. know I'm.. unable to. relax at my.. current.. state.." Harry noticed the man's voice seemed to fall with every word he spoke. If Madame Pomfrey didn't hurry up soon there would be no trouble with having Snape relaxing. He would be dead! He sent the woman what he wanted to believe was an intimidating look, and she responded with a nod and told him where his place was during this, without words. Hermione lined up behind the mediwitch to be of any help if there was anything she needed, while Ron placed himself standing beside the bed, opposite Severus' stomach. He looked pale and Harry could see his hands trembling violently, no doubt he was dreading like a dog for the task ahead of him. He was to push Severus' stomach from under his ribcage, to force the baby out without having Severus using any of his lower abdomen muscles.  
  
And as for Harry, he went over to the other side of the bed and sat down on his knees beside Severus' face. He placed the suffering man's hand in his and gently stroke his free hand over his cheek.  
  
"Try to relax, this will be over in a few moments," he said reassuringly. But Severus shook his head, or more precisely tried to.  
  
"No," he wisphered: "I.. too late." Harry fought to hold back his tears.  
  
"Don't say that, Severus! You have a baby who's gonna need a lot of attention when he or she's born!" This was an attempt from Harry's side to light a spark of the old stubbornness Severus was so greatly known for. But the man in the bed didn't seem to react at all on the words spoken to him.  
  
"Promise me.. promise… you'll take.. care of... our. child," he gasped with begging eyes clutching Harry's hands with his very last strength.  
  
"I. I promise." Harry could no longer hold back the tears.  
  
"OK, Severus- brace yourself! Ron, PUSH!" Severus Snape closed his eyes as quiet tears streamed down his cheeks. He didn't scream any more, he was barely reacting to the severe pain running through his body. This scared   
Harry far more than the screams the man had uttered earlier. Ron pushed every time Madame Pomfrey told him to and Hermione ran back and forth providing the mediwitch with various materials. She had decided the birthpassage still wasn't dilated enough to pass a baby. Therefore she needed to make a small cut on each side of the navel, with a knife resembling the scalpel muggle used for surgery. Severus was in so much pain already that he wouldn't feel a thing from the knife.  
  
There was no time to loose, they worked as fast as possible, pushing the infant up the birthcanal. Harry took his eyes from Severus' face just in time to see a tiny head breach the surface of the man's belly. The sight amazed him. This was so unbelievable! He was witnessing a child being born! And not any child, his child! And Severus' child. The miracle of it all suddenly hit him smack in the face. If he and Severus had been lovers as they were supposed to be this would be the biggest present and act of self-sacrifice the man could give him! But this child was to be born into a world where it would be considered a freak, the last evil act of the lord Voldemort and it would grow up knowing Harry didn't want it. No. If there was any humanity left in him he would prevent that from happening. It was his child after all and it was innocent. A silent gasp from the man beside him made him focus his mind on him again. He felt the soft grasp around his hand ease and slip, he saw Severus have a last look at him with a small tender smile on his lips before he passed out.  
  
A scream rattled through the room as newborn lungs drew their first shaking breaths. Hermione was handed the baby while Ron and Pomfrey continued the pushing work until the placenta was delivered to. Harry sensed none of this. He was trying to bring the man next to him back, but he just didn't wake up.  
  
"Madame Pomfrey! Please! He's not waking up, he's not waking up!" The alarm in his voice made the mediwitch draw one sharp breath before she spat out new orders.  
  
"Hermione, hand the baby over to Ron. Then go notify miss McGonagall and also fetch Hagrid! Ron, clean the baby and keep it dry and warm, Harry- do your best to wake him up, I have some sewing to tend to down here, he's loosing blood fast!"  
  
Harry left his body. His soul floated up in the air and hovered over the unreal scene down beneath his feet. He saw the man, outstretched on a bed- with a bright red gap in his midsection, an odd and sharp contrast to the pale white face. He saw the young man kneeling beside him, howling for him to wake up, not to leave him like this. The sorrow in his face revealed more than the fear of loosing someone who was merely a teacher. Was it.. the fear of loosing a mate? And by Severus' stomach he saw Madame Pomfrey, working in frenzy, all covered in the red vital fluid that had once circulated in Severus' veins. Her face was carved in stone, her mouth just a small outline barely visible. And by Hermione's work desk Ron sat, in his hands he held a screaming baby girl, brought to this world in such a haste no one had taken the time to appreciate her arrival. Tiny, tiny fists, tiny, tiny nose and a tiny, tiny screaming mouth without teeth. Severus' baby-daughter, the one he went through this ordeal for, the sign of love, sacrifice and an undying will. And he had not even been granted the chance to see her, to smell her, hold her close. Harry fell down to the floor and back into his body again, woke up to the harsh smell of reality, the sound of his own screaming, panicked voice, the mumbling of the mediwitch working beside him and the screams from the little one in Ron's protecting arms.  
  
McGonagal came running with her hair flying all over. In her haste she hadn't bothered to tie her hair up in the usual knot, she wore a nightgown very similar to the one Pomfrey wore.  
  
"Oh my god!" She stopped dead in the middle of the room, her hand clutching at her chest.  
  
"Minerva, check his pulse!" Madame Pomfrey yelled as she was working on some stitches to keep Severus from bleeding to death. She did what she was told, with trembling fingers. She gave Harry a frightened look, but he had eyes for no one but the man he tried to awake.  
  
"I've got a pulse, but it's weak," she reported.  
  
"Good! I want you to take care of the baby now, and also notify Albus. I don't think he wants to learn of this through the "Daily Prophet"! McGonagal nodded feverishly and seemed to save all the questions written in her face to a later occasion. Ron didn't seem too willing to let go of the baby though. He had more in mind the idea that the baby should stay here in the room with her fathers in case Severus woke up. Minerva wanted no such nonsense.  
  
"A baby here, in all this noise? It would be scarred for life!" she snorted and brought the little one with her.  
  
"Ron, I now need you to stand guard in front of the door. I bet Hermione and Minerva will cause enough racked to wake up the entire school."  
  
Two minutes later Hagrid stormed through the door with a panting Hermione at his heal. He burst out in tears instantly and nearly fainted by the sight of all the blood. He seemed to have lost his ability to speak.  
  
"Hagrid! HAGRID!" Finally Hagrid turned his gaze toward Madame Pomfrey: "I know it's not a pretty sight, but I need you to help me transport Severus to the medical wing!" Hagrid swalloved:  
  
"But cahnt yeh do a floatin spell on him?" He dried his eyes with the back of his hand: "He looks so, so.. weak!"  
  
"No, I'm not gonna use any floating spell on him, he isn't conscious!" she answered him calmly. "Don't worry you won't hurt him," she added.  
  
Carefully, as if he were lifting the most fragile porcelain cup, he took Severus in his arms. His big beetle black eyes shone mournfully as he carried him out of the room, and Harry sat there left behind- not being missed as Madame Pomfrey and Hermione ran after the half giant. A dry rattle went through his chest and he touched the pillow where Severus' head had rested a few seconds ago. The nauseating smell of blood was the final straw that made him loose what little self-control he had left. He started shaking violently and loud sobs forced their way up his throat. All this blood! How could Severus survive if he had lost all this blood?  
  
Ron came in and sat down beside him. He pulled him close and had him cry on his shoulder.  
  
"It's all right, it's all right!" he messed and rocked him like a small child.  
  
"No," Harry sobbed into his ear: "It's not all right! He may die, and it's all my fault!"  
  
"That's not true and you know it, Harry. This is not your fault. It's not anybody's fault!" Ron said determined. Harry jerked away from the comforting embrace and faced him.  
  
"He's been hiding it for nine months to protect ME, Ron! He even tried to go through the birth alone to protect ME! He was trying to protect an egoistic, spoiled brat who's been denying the love granted him for all the years of which he has known the man! I've only seen a dirty old bastard with no capacity of friendship and definitely not love, while I should be seeing a man willing to die for me and the baby he's brought to this world!" Ron pulled him back to his chest and ran his fingers softly through Harry's hair:  
  
"That was all his decisions, not yours, Harry. Think about it, you were eleven! Snape did the only human thing when he deceived you into believing he hated you. If you had seen the true side of him you probably would have fallen in love, if what Hermione has been babbling about for the last few weeks is true. And do you really think that would have made things easier for you OR Severus? And do you really think he would have let people know straight away about his delicate condition if you had impregnated him under "happy" circumstances? It was a shame for him to be pregnant. He is a man for god's sake! I bet he would rather die than have to listen to Madame Pomfrey and McGonagal giving him advice on maternity clothes, or to have students giggling about him in the corridors. He's a man used to being in control all the time, and this was something he couldn't control to full length. He had no way to stop his body from growing and eventually showing, he had no way to stop or control the labor, and I bet that scared the living daylights out of him. " Harry felt a little comforted by his best friend's words and let himself get rocked carefully back and forth until he drifted away from the grusomeness and let his tired body rest. 


	11. The Curse, part 11

So the moment's finally arrived. My baby is all grown up and ready to leave home. I have to admit I'm a little proud, given the fact that I actually wrote the WHOLE damn thing and didnt abandon it when I hit rock bottom, which I assure you happened quite a few times during the period I was working with the story. But who leaves her baby behind, right? :)  
  
Mainly I have to thank my two encouraging and super Betas, Marie-J and Azrael, who helped me along the long way of writing, keeping a close eye to my spelling, giving me hints and suggestions to make the story better. With your help, girls, the story rose to become a far better story than what it would have been left alone with my dog-tired braincell. So I once again wish to thank you DEARLY for all your help and support! :)  
  
And second, but not least I wish to thank everybody who have given me their response- I've been truly owerwhelmed by all your kind words! And that so many of you apparently are sitting on needles due to the little cliffhanger ending on chapter ten tells me that I've managed to keep you in suspence. And of that I take great pride! ;)   
  
HUGS,  
Restina  
  
  
Everybody gets a second in the sun   
I have a feeling mine has just begun   
Music non stop when I close my eyes   
Clarity born from such a compromise   
and you are almost like me   
  
Fragment from "Music Non Stop" by Kent  
  
The Curse, part 11  
  
Ron helped Harry up the stairs and to the medical wing to see how Severus was doing. Harry seemed to be beyond tired, but he refused to let Ron bring him anywhere else. They met a grave-faced Hermione in the doorway and she hurried them inside and locked the door behind them with a locking spell. The whole school had already started swarming with rumours and they really didn't need the med.wing swamped with curious people right now. Madame Pomfrey was busy in the far corner of the smallest of the five rooms that belonged to the medical wing. She turned when she heard footsteps, it was beyond any doubt she'd been crying recently.   
  
"Harry," she hurried towards the young man before he had a chance to get to the man lying on the single bed the room contained. "Come with me for a minute- don't worry, Ron and Hermione will take care of Severus in the mean while. There's nothing more I can do for him right now. Harry followed her hesitantly over to her office where he sat down. He knew it wasn't good news she was about to tell him, her face looked too torn, her eyes had big problems with meeting his gaze.   
  
"How is he." his voice, barely audible, his eyes big and scared. Pomfrey sighed.  
  
"He's lost a lot of blood, Harry. And due to all the hours of heavy labour… I just don't know… There's a limit to how much pain and exhaustion a body can endure, and Severus must have been riding on the very edge of that. If he crossed the line… I'm sorry Harry, all we can do now is but hope." Harry felt a weird fog cloud his head as he tried to understand the meaning of the mediwitch' words. Severus couldn't die after all this! He was over it now, he only had to recover wasn't he? Could pain leave such a scar a man could never fully heal, and die even? If he'd died when giving life that was one thing, but to die now, after the whole turmoil? Sure, it would have been just as terrible if he'd died in the middle of a scream or if he'd just faded hen, but to die when the worst was over with? That wasn't Severus Snape!  
  
"I want to see him now." Harry rose from the chair on trembling legs. He remembered the smell of blood.   
  
"Harry, I think you should get some rest…" Madame Pomfrey rushed over to steady the young man but he shook free from her helping hands.  
  
"No, I have to do this. He needs me." Their gazes met and the mediwitch understood.   
  
"Alright, dear. You can go see him now. But before you go.." Harry turned as he was about to turn the doorknob:  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"The father.. of the child.." There was an aura of uneasiness over her: "Are you really the father? You're not covering the real identity of the father are you? Severus may be in real trouble if you're not honest, love." A sad smile appeared on Harry's face, showing signs of growth and dawning realisation of his responsibilities.   
  
"There was a time I wished I had nothing to do with both him and the baby, yes. But I am the father of the child. Any parental test would show you that. I'm Severus' soulmate." With these words he left the room heading for Severus' sickbed, leaving a puzzled but relived mediwitch standing like frozen by the new information granted her.   
  
*-*  
  
Minerva was really nervous. After calming the new-born baby-girl and making her sleep she had a new task on her agenda, informing the headmaster about what had happened. She knew Albus was a wizard who took great pride in knowing exactly what was going on at Hogwarts 24/7. How this particular little detail had escaped his all-seeing eye she had no idea of. Severus had been wobbling around pregnant in front of the very school for nine months and nobody had even suspected! Sure, but how could you suspect such a thing?! There hadn't been a reported male-pregnancy for over two hundred years and even back then it was very rare. Minerva knew of one curse and also some sort of potion that was able to get a man pregnant, but no living witch or wizard mastered neither of these that she knew of. And to believe that Severus Snape, of all people, would get himself pregnant! No, there wasn't a chance in hell neither of the teachers could have guessed, of that Minerva was certain. Severus was one of the top five in the world regarding potions, though, so if anyone should be able to regain the old fertiliser-potion it would be him. Would that mean he'd impregnated himself??  
  
She inhaled shakily and contacted Albus the usual way, through the fireplace. Hopefully she would catch him still at his room before breakfast. And sure enough, as she popped her head through the fire she was greeted by a jolly welcome.  
  
"Minerva! What a great surprise! What brings you to my fireplace this early in the morning?" He sat on his bed dressed in a purple robe.   
  
"I have some news of great importance, Albus. I don't know how to tell you this.." Minerva shivered slightly as she imagined the reaction of the headmaster when she had told him the news.   
  
"Come on, old gal, one word at a time- easy does it!" Dumbledore smiled. She sighed and opened her mouth.   
  
"It's about Severus," she said and noticed a shift in the headmaster's face. Concern slipped inside his eyes, as he glanced at her.   
  
"What is it Minerva, tell me please!" There were no trace left of the smiling old wizard.   
  
"He's been hiding something, the past months, Albus." Dumbledore sighed:  
  
"Yes I've sensed there was something he was hiding from me. There's been this aura surrounding him lately, and then there was the change of personality and the weight gain.. I've feared the pressure from his days as a death eater would finally catch up with him. He's so afraid to show his feelings and fears, Severus. The poor child, I should have been there for him! Oh, dear I thought that for once I should let him come to me, I was afraid it would only get worse if I pushed him. I shouldn't have left him in that condition! How is he?" Minerva understood Albus believed Severus had just had a nervous breakdown.   
  
"Albus.. The secret Severus' been hiding from us the past months is a pregnancy." Albus looked like he was about to faint. He sat there, mouth wide open glaring at her as if she was a figment of his imagination.   
  
"What?" he whispered.   
  
"Severus has, very successful indeed, been hiding the very fact that he's been with child."  
  
"Nooo," Albus gasped: "That can't be… Oh my, why didn't I see?" He stood up from the bed and marched over to the nightstand where he grabbed a small purse containing Floo-powder.  
  
"Move, Minerva- I'm coming home!"  
  
*-*  
  
He was out of his mind in worry as he stepped out of the fireplace in Minerva's private quarters. Severus had to be only days from delivery now, maybe the birth had started even, and that was the reason the secret was finally reviled.   
  
"Where is he, Minerva- take me to him immediately! He must be near death of worry for the coming birth!" He was still in his morning robe, in his haste he had only remembered his wand. He stopped for a second and noticed that the witch standing in front of him was crying.   
  
"The birth has already taken place, Albus. Severus gave birth to a healthy baby-girl. She's sleeping in my bed right over there. But Severus.. he lost a lot of blood.. I don't know if he'll make it." No. This wasn't happening! Albus stood aghast for a second not able to move. He could too easily imagine the pain and suffering the poor wizard had been through. The mere fact he was called for after it all was over was a clear sign Severus had tried to hide his condition to the very end.   
  
"Where is he?" the old man whispered as tears ran down his face. He looked over to Minerva's bed where a black-haired baby was sleeping peacefully. Severus' daughter. His old suspicion caught his mind. Was this the last evil act of Voldemort? Was the baby sleeping in Minerva's bed the heir of his old fiend?   
  
"The father… " his voice sounded agent. "is it…"   
  
"I left with the baby in such a haste I never asked who the father might be," Minerva answered as she brushed a skinny finger over the sleeping baby's cheek. Then dawning suspicion appeared on her face and she withdrew her finger as if she'd just been burned.  
  
"You don't think Voldemort.."  
  
"I don't know," Albus answered gravely: "But there's only one way to find out." He raised his wand and moved it in circles above the sleeping child. As he did this Albus muttered a spell that would reveal the second father. He dreaded what the result might be. But from the mint green mist that magically appeared over the baby's head it wasn't the cruel face of Voldemort that came through. It was a dearly beloved face, a face he in his wildest dreams wouldn't imagine would appear from such a spell. Harry Potter. The boy Severus resented and loathed, the boy he had treated unfairly for the last six years, apparently for his bad habit of breaking the rules. Behind him Minerva fainted with a soft thud and Dumbledore was tempted to do the same thing. How could this be?? Had someone slipped Severus a fertiliser-potion with some of Harry's hair in it? But surely no student on this school would have knowledge of such an agent spell?!   
  
He awaked the fainted witch with a harsh whap from his wand just over her head and ordered her to continue her wake over the baby, while he himself headed for the hospital wing.   
  
*-*  
  
The entire school was storming with wild rumours concerning the Potions Master. People had seen Hermione Granger and Mrs McGonnagal storm through the halls, Hermione covered in blood and babbling hysterically about Severus Snape. Rumour had it he had taken ill, and there were many Gryffindors who could tell they had heard inhuman screaming from Hermione's Head-Girl- room. Some people had a horrible story about him being infested some gross alien-like creature that had erupted from his stomach and left the man in one hell of a bloody mess. There was one rumour Snape had been attacked by a deadly virus, absorbing his body from within, another rumour about him being slowly eaten by a mouse trapped inside his stomach. Yes, the rumours were many and wild, but the wildest and most unbelievable one of them all Draco Malfoy silently told his Slytherin mates.   
  
"I heard Hermione tell Mrs McGonagal Snape's pregnant. He's near death after a birth." No one believed him of course and they all laughed at the silent young man who'd once been their leader. But then five Slytherins came scrambling into the great hall reporting they'd just seen McGonagal running down the halls with a baby in her arms. And a few minutes later two first years from Rawenclaw entered the hall, crying their eyes out. They had seen Hagrid, carrying a very bloodstained Snape, with Madame Pomfrey and Hermione Granger hot on his heals, equally blood stained. And from that moment it was settled. The Potions Master had, how odd it may sound, given birth, nearly dying in the process. Anything seemed possible in the wizarding community..  
  
And of course the rumour spread beneath the boundaries of Hogwarts. It spread like wild fire through Hogsmeade and therefrom to Diagon Alley.. And from there it didn't take long before the word reached the word of a very nosy woman with great theft in smelling a good story with a dawning scandal rising behind it.   
  
  
*-*  
  
Albus had rushed back to Hogwarts the same morning the mystery baby drew its first screaming breaths. Harry had never seen him like this before. He was crying openly by Severus's sickbed, asking over and over again why Severus hadn't told him. He got no response, obviously. Harry who had refused to leave the room under any circumstances didn't quite know where to look. There was so much emotion circulating the room and it was such an intimate situation he witnessed that he almost regretted not having left the room. The old man trembled as he embraced Harry lightly.  
  
"I understand you are the father of Severus' child?" Albus' eyes, cheeks and beard were wet with tears. He lay a hand on Harry's shoulder and Harry could have sworn he'd never felt anything heavier.  
  
"That's right," he answered, shivering. Albus looked at him from over the top of his half-moon spectacles.  
  
"I think you need to tell me how you managed to get your Potions Professor pregnant, Harry." There was no anger in the old man's eyes. Just sadness and curiosity.  
  
"Voldemort.. cast a curse," Harry began, but stopped immediately when he saw the look on Dumbledore's face.  
  
"What?!? Are you telling me that you and Severus.. that you're Soul   
Mates???!?" Harry wondered if Dumbledore had the ability to make his eyes pop out of his head, if so it was only a matter of seconds. The headmaster staggered around on the floor with a bewildered look on his face.  
  
"Of course you are Soul Mates! How could I have not seen it! My dear, Severus never stops to amaze me!" He ran his fingers through his long white hair and for a moment he actually smiled.  
  
"My dear Severus, finally you've met the one who's gonna make up for all your years of misery! And who would have thought it would be Harry Potter!   
And you have known for all this time…" He turned around, towards the man in the bed again.  
  
_"All the suffering and pain… It makes my heart bleed for you my child! You've suffered through so much more than anyone. I wish I had been there for you when you needed me. But it relives me to find that Harry here has supported you through this." Harry wanted to drop dead on the spot. Some help! He'd been in denial, he'd been accusing Severus for making his life hell and he'd even avoided him the last weeks. Some help indeed. He didn't even know if he wanted what Severus had offered him. But he said nothing. He looked at the grieving man leaning over the bed and knew it would only hurt him more if he told the truth. Harry hid his bleeding heart within.  
  
*-*  
  
But Albus was a wise old man. He gave the shivering young man a big hug and looked him straight in the eye as he said the following words:   
  
" See with your soul, not with your eyes. Feel with your heart, not with your hands, Harry. You have a great future ahead of you if you only accept it, my child. Believe and you will see. Set your self free and you will feel!" It was probably one of the weirdest things Albus Dumbledore had said in his life, but probably also one of the wisest. In time Harry would understand, of that the headmaster was certain.   
  
*-*  
  
Big, dark blue eyes peeked up at him. They were so dark in colour they one day would change into dark brown. Black, stubborn hair curled its way up from her tiny head and a cute little nose, not at all crooked was perfectly placed in the centre of her face. A little mouth, constantly searching for anything to suck on, and an expert on making just the right sound to attract just the right attention. She was so incredibly small, so incredibly perfect! Harry could sit by her bed for hours, just staring at her as she was sleeping. Two days had passed since the fatal night in Hermione's room. Severus had still not woken up.  
  
The whole castle, of course, was shaken by the news. There still was wild rumours running around about Severus and his peculiar condition, the baby and who the father might be. Many assumed it had to be Voldemort. But then they didn't know of the young man sitting by Severus' sickbed day and night, the same young man who'd lately been taking interest in the child no one claimed fathership to.  
  
*-*  
  
He had a living, breathing baby-girl to take care of. Harry handled her like a porcelain doll, so afraid his touch would hurt her in any way. He felt so helpless and scared for messing up and on top of that he had Severus to worry about. Four days had passed and he was still in a coma. Madame Pomfrey didn't know if he would wake up again at all. He'd lost an awfully lot of blood and due to the trauma he'd been through.. she just didn't know. Harry couldn't stop thinking about Severus and his selfless acts towards him. He'd asked for absolutely nothing from him, although he was destined to be his. He had offered to leave if it would please Harry, he'd even tried to hide his love to make it easier on him. Harry was nothing but a jerk who hadn't seen that before. His state of denial had forbidden him the beauty of the man he'd learned to fear and loathe. And now it might be too late to see if they really had a future together.  
  
He cried by Severus' bed all night. He watched the baby with Ms McGonagal hanging over him pointing out what he did wrong. Thankfully Ron caught her during one of her "Babies must be treated this way and that way"-lessons and told her to give it a rest:  
  
"Harry's doing just fine! I only hope I'll be such a good father one day!"   
But Harry was slowly drowning in a sneaking depression. His spirit seemed lost, he found no joy in big dimples and happy gurgling. He only wished for the man who'd carried this child for nine months and given birth to her in the most painful way imaginable, to have a chance to see her. Hermione and   
Ron were the best support anyone could ask for, but they had no idea of how   
Harry was doing. He started to avoid holding the little one, fearing he might loose her too. He decided he shouldn't get too attached. He settled on a chair beside Severus' bed and refused to leave him.  
  
*-*  
  
Albus Dumbledore was concerned. Severus' life was currently hanging by a tread, and now his young soul mate seemed to have lost his will to live. He had a catatonic look on his face, which was very normal for a person loosing his soul mate. Just like swans soul mates are destined to be with only one partner their whole life through and none other. And Harry, eighteen years old, had only recently learned he had a soul mate. And although he had denied it, Albus guessed, Harry had now seen the truth. He loved Severus Snape just as strongly as Severus loved Harry Potter. And the thought of them never getting the chance to have the love they were meant for, the wondrous life together, and with a beautiful baby-girl even.. It just wasn't fair. He tried to reach out to the young man, but Harry was to devastated. He stopped eating, he stopped talking, and he stopped feeding his baby-girl. He only breathed.  
  
And as if that wasn't enough an old "friend" stood waiting for him outside his office one day after he'd checked up on Severus and his young mourning soul mate. The odd curls, the jewelled spectacles and the two inch long magenta coloured claws left little doubt. Rita Skeeter had smelled a good story.  
  
"Rita, how nice! And I must say unexpected? I thought I had banned you from entering this school for the rest of your life?" He smiled and shook her hand like an old friend, but his eyes were beaming with warning. One step over the line and Rita would feel an anger far more intimidating than the old Voldemort could have achieved in his glory days.  
  
"Oh, Albus! I knew you were only joking on that matter!" she said and flashed her big, yellow teeth at him: "And now I've heard there's a little scandal unwrapping here in good old Hogwarts. No one but the snake Severus Snape himself, I believe? Ah, it sounds like such an intriguing story, the man who was believed to be fighting on the side of good, was all the time planning his master's return. A man so plunged down in the dark arts he even volunteered to carry forth the child of his Master!" Her voice sounded like poison in old Albus' ears. He had never in his whole life wanted to do anything illegal, until now. He looked at the witch in bright pink robes and knew she was fully capable of destroying Severus' life in the case that he'd ever wake up.  
  
"Get out of my sight, woman! Go, now- before I do something we both will regret!" The anger burning in his eyes made the witch loose her crocodile-skin purse.  
  
"But Albus, what's this? I only wanted to talk!" she stuttered and took one step back.  
  
"Listen. If you write anything about what you just said, if you as much as incline Severus Snape is a dark Wizard I will personally hunt you down!" Albus hissed: "He has done nothing wrong, if you want to write a story on him, why don't you tell people about how he DID fight on the side of good, at great personal risk. How he saved many lives and never asked for anything in return." Rita Skeeter gave him a last scared look and ran away, her beloved handbag left behind.  
  
*-*  
  
Hermione was out of her mind in worry of course. She could not sit still for one minute, instead she paced the floors, up and down, up and down trying to figure out what to do. Poor Harry was sitting by Severus' bed, denying to move. She didn't like the catatonic look on him at all and she and Ron had tried to reach through to him so many times she'd stopped counting. Harry wasn't just worried for a teacher anymore, there was something more now. She saw it in his eyes, how his hand held the Potions Master's hand, the way he traced his every features for a sign of life. It was a heartbreaking sight, and Hermione cried her self to sleep in Ron's arms every night. She'd always been a softie, but this was just too much. Even Ron had to admit Harry seemed to have deeper feelings for the Professor than he'd claimed earlier.   
  
A week had passed. Hermione was on her way to the infirmary, in her arms a precious week old baby. She was sure this would be a wakeup call for Harry. She and Ron had tried everything and this was the last thing she could think of right now that could be able to snap Harry out of it. Ms. McGonagall was only too glad to let Hermione handle the baby for a little while, she looked like she hadn't slept in ages. Harry hadn't seen his daughter at all the last four days, but now Hermione had arranged a happy little family reunion.  
  
He sat back facing her when she entered the room, as always. He didn't react on the footsteps behind him either.  
  
"Hi, Harry! Look who I brought to see you!" Hermione put on what she hoped was a cheery face and walked up to the bed. Harry slowly looked up, and then looked at the little one Hermione was carrying in her arms.  
  
"She missed you, you know!" she said and smiled as she more or less shoved the baby into his arms before he would turn all catatonic on her again.   
  
"H. He.. Her.. Hermione, I… why don't you take her." Harry held the baby away from him, not even looking at her.   
  
"Harry! It's your daughter!" Hermione exclaimed, aghast. She couldn't believe her own eyes: "She needs you, Harry- you're her father!" Oh boy, now she was getting really emotional. Harry turned his head away, but still held the baby away from himself, initiating for Hermione to take her. Tears welled up in Hermione's eyes as she took the little one who now started screaming her lungs out.   
  
"Please.. Hermione… I can't look at her right now… she's to.. there's so much of him in her.." Hermione left him as tears ran down her cheeks, hope abandoned as she heard Harry starting to sob behind her. She had no idea how she could mend a broken heart…   
  
*-*  
  
Nine days had passed. Madame Pomfrey was seriously considering force-feeding Harry. He had no contact with the outer world any more, he just sat beside Severus with a begging look on his face. Sometimes he wept silently, holding the older man's hand begging for his forgiveness. The invisible bond between the two seemed to drive Harry to insanity.  
  
*-*  
  
The sunlight was peeking through a window in the medical wing, enlightening two silent figures. They both looked asleep. In the bed laid a man, pale as a corpse with black hair shining from the sunbeams playing with it. He was a handsome sight, looking peaceful and content. By his side, sitting on a chair and leaning against the bed, a young man with old features sat. He was sleeping, but his dreams were not filled with happy memories. He looked worn and restless, no peace in his face. Outside happy birds were chirping, welcoming the new morning, but none of the two men seemed to care. For them it was just another day away from each other.  
  
Harry woke up around seven. He had a look at Severus half hoping what he had hoped for every morning but was just as disappointed as he always had been. This morning was different from all the other mornings though. This morning Harry lost his hope. The only thing holding him up the past few days vanished before his eyes. He stroke Severus' hand with a trembling finger and rose awkwardly from his chair.  
  
"I guess it's time to say goodbye, then," he whispered and did the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, he let go. He turned his back to the sleeping figure and was going to open the door when the sound of a breath, a single inhale of air made him spin around.  
  
"Leaving so soon?" A rusty voice, but with a well known tone of sarcasm over it. The kind of sarcasm there was only one man in the entire world capable of.  
  
"Severus!" Harry ran toward the bed not believing his own eyes. From the bed two dark eyes gleamed back on him. Harry was pretty sure he was grinning like a complete idiot. The happiness welling up inside him was so huge he felt the urge to scream out loud to get it all out.  
  
"The baby!" Severus suddenly looked alarmed. His hands searched what had once been a big and bloated belly. Fear and desperation entered his face:   
"The baby! Where is it!"  
  
"The baby is just fine! It's a girl, and she has your eyes!" Harry sat down on the chair and smiled. He felt so happy he could burst. But Severus on the other hand didn't seem to repay that happiness. He looked relieved by the news of his daughter being all right, but there was something else..  
  
"What's wrong?" A curtain covered Harry's joy.  
  
"Don't worry Potter, I'm not gonna claim anything from you. As soon as I'm fit to go I'll leave, with your permission of course." He looked dead calm.  
  
*-*  
  
It was such a weird sensation, waking up. He heard the sound of leaving footsteps and drew a deeper breath, it was that simple. For days he'd been swimming around in nothingness trying to find the right door to escape the emptiness. And now he'd finally found it. He opened his eyes and saw Harry leaving. Of course he spat out some stupid remark, figuring he should show   
Harry he didn't need him. He wanted to show him how little his leaving meant to him, and to hide his heart already thumping painfully in his chest.  
  
And then he remembered. The nine months, the day and night of hellish pain, the unborn he never had a chance to greet. His stomach was flat again, so the baby had to be born. But where was it? Panic struck him as he tried to sit up but couldn't, too weakened by the long days in bed. Harry told him the baby, a girl was just fine. Severus drew a deep breath of air as relief brushed through him. But as he looked at Harry he saw relief in his eyes too. Was it his relief for having the baby out of his life, now that Severus had woken up? Severus knew he should have expected this. That the stupid hope of Harry suddenly realising he had some feelings what so ever for him was childlike and probably hopeless. Harry was a grown man and his resentment towards him was probably too deeply rooted for them ever having a fair chance. So he tried his best to hide his bleeding heart as always, telling Harry he would leave as soon as he could, that he expected nothing from him.  
  
There was a change in Harry's eyes. The sparkly green in his eyes faded, he   
actually looked sad.  
  
"Do you really think I want you to leave?" he whispered hoarsely. Something new appeared in his features.  
  
"After all this, after all I've learned about you... about us. Do you really think that I would.." A single tear ran slowly down Harry's left cheek. All his youth and beauty shimmered through his sadness making him look even more beautiful to Severus' eyes. His love, his soul mate. What was this? What was happening? Severus was a man who'd lived to see many things, both things of beauty and ugliness. To see his soul mate looking like this made him wish he could take him in his arms, hold him tight and rock him gently until his smile reappeared on his face. But he knew his embrace probably was the last Harry needed right now.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry had expected no less from Severus. He wanted to lay no burden on Harry what so ever and therefore volunteered to leave if that made things easier for him. But Harry didn't want Severus to leave, ever! If he had learned anything the last few days by this bed, it was that. He wanted Severus to stay, with him. He wanted to be a part of their daughter's life, with him. He wanted to feel what love truly felt like, with him. And all this he wanted to tell the confused man eyeing him from the bed, but he didn't know how. So he did the one thing that felt right- he leaned down and kissed the man he loved.  
  
There was a gasp from the unexpecting man, but then he caved in, his mouth accepted Harry's confession of love with great hunger, but with the sweetest tenderness. A world was reborn and Harry's life felt like it had just begun as his tongue embraced the tongue of his soul mate. In his whole life he had never felt so happy. When he finally drew back he noticed that Severus was both crying and smiling. The combination made Harry's head spin, the inner beauty of Severus shone through, leaving no trace of doubt in Harry's mind the two of them were indeed destined to be together.  
  
"I know someone who can't wait to see you!" Harry whispered and rised from the chair: "Give me a minute, I'll be right back!" He kissed Severus cheek.   
He had so much he needed to tell Severus, but still it felt like he had all the time in the world. Right now there was one thing on Harry's mind and that was to introduce the two greatest things that had happened to him in his life to each other. He rushed to Miss McGonagall's office where he found the professor sweating over a howling cradle.  
  
"Mr. Potter!" she gasped while she tried to tidy her hair. The tight knot on the back of her head was dissolving as she spoke.  
  
"I.. I. Your daughter sure is a handful!" She dumped down on a chair with a sigh: "I don't know how to calm her down."  
  
"I know how!" Harry smiled: "I'm taking her to meet her daddy!"  
  
"He's awake???!?" Her face lit up with a big and bright smile making her look twenty years younger: "Oh Harry that is wonderful news!" She jumped across the floor and gave him a hug surprisingly strong for such a skinny woman. Harry laughed as she hauled him around in the room, jumping like a teenage girl.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry! Go to him, show him the wondrous little treasure he's kept hidden from us for so long!" She shoved him towards the cradle. Harry hesitated for a moment. He hadn't exactly been an example of a good dad the last few days. He'd been too preoccupied to even grant his baby-girl a thought. But as he looked down on the little howling thing reaching up for him with her tiny arms, it all dawned on him. He took her up in his arms, pride shining as he finally accepted the miracle he had been granted. She stopped her crying and looked at him with her big, dark eyes, eyeing him out. It was almost as she was saying : "Where have you been the last days?" This precious girl was the final bond that would twine him and Severus for the rest of their life. She was the proof for the outside world that Harry Potter and Severus Snape had something so special even a curse of Voldemort couldn't destroy it. Harry had a smile on his face all the way back to the medical wing and he told everyone he met on his way that this was his baby-daughter and that she was going to meet her father Severus Snape. Now the secret was out there and Harry didn't care any more, he did not feel shame any more, just pride and love.  
  
Madame Pomfrey was hovering over Severus when Harry returned. She was fussing, crying, cheering and smiling all at once.  
  
"Please, Poppy- I'm just fine!" Severus sounded grumpy. Harry guessed the mediwitch had tried to check up on him.  
  
"I have someone here who wants to meet you," Harry said and stepped forward. Madame Pomfrey walked away from the bed smiling so broadly her gums were showing:  
  
"I'll leave you three alone for a minute," she said and walked out of the room. Harry sat down on the side of the bed and carefully laid the baby on top of Severus' heaving chest.  
  
"Oh, god! She's so tiny!" Severus had a stunned look of amazement on his face: "I can't believe it, I can't believe something that beautiful can have grown inside ME for nine months!" Tears welled up in his eyes again as a tiny hand grabbed a hold of his finger.  
  
"See, she's missed you!" Harry smiled as he watched them both. There was a glow about Severus as he watched what his body had created and carried to term. It was so weird, still it felt so natural. He bent down and kissed Severus' cheek:  
  
"She is just as gorgeous as you are, you just haven't realised it yet,"   
Harry said honestly.  
  
"Hey! Don't offend the little one!" Severus answered, lip curling and a small, amused frown on his face. The old defence mechanism still had its grasp upon him. Harry wondered if his soul mate would ever see the inner and outer beauty he possessed. He picked up the baby and placed her in Severus' arms.  
  
"Look at her, Severus. Do you see anything disgusting or foul with her?"  
  
"No of course not!"  
  
"How about her eyes, are they ugly? Or her mouth? Her cheeks, her hands or maybe her feet?" Harry continued.  
  
"No of course not! She's perfect! Why are you saying this!?" Severus said harshly, he cradled the baby protectively against his body.  
  
"Half of this miracle, this wonderful and beautiful baby-girl is you Severus! Look at her eyes, it's you! She has the same gorgeous, dark, mysterious eyes as you have. Eyes you can stare into for hours without getting tired of them. Making you ache and smile, and cry even if they want you to. And have a look at how she curls her upper lip if she's satisfied and content! That's you all over again. Her hair, it's you- I have no curls. Her chin, that's you. How can you have such a low self esteem when you see all the beauty you have passed on to her? If you're mocking your own looks you're also mocking hers." Severus had a peculiar expression on his face. He looked both puzzled and bedazzled.  
  
*-*  
  
He'd never considered himself anything but foul and ugly- looking. With his crooked nose, greasy hair and pale skin there was no chance for him ever being considered even remotely nice looking. His thin lips and constant frown would be enough to scare any person off. It was so confusing to see so much of himself in this tiny face, to see so many similarities and not feel disgusted by it, as he would have if he'd seen his own reflection in a mirror. His baby-daughter was so beautiful his heart ached, there was no way he would ever think she was ugly.  
  
Harry's little speech threw him off tracks completely. His words sounded true, but still he couldn't let go of his old image of himself. He still felt like the bat-like creature the students made fun of, he still felt like the nasty man who looked as if he had been eating a hundred lemons. And then he looked back at the tiny face that was eyeing him curiously and saw the beauty. For the first time in his life Severus saw beneath his old miserable self, and saw some of the beauty hidden behind. The old shell was starting to come off, the new Severus Snape, the true Severus Snape was waiting to be let out.  
  
He gave Harry a weird look and wondered if the young man had realised how   
wise he was despite his young age.  
  
"You never stop to amaze me do you, Potter! Now you've even half convinced me I should consider my self quite the handsome old bat who drinks goat blood as tea!" He smiled as he said it. It was a true smile, once a rarity, but not any more. From now on Severus would do a whole lot of smiling. The world could crumble into dust for all he cared as long as he had his family beside him.  
  
"You should do that more often!" Harry said and kissed him gently.  
  
"I intend to!" Severus whispered back as his heart blossomed and grew to something bigger, something new.  
  
"I love you Harry Potter!" He looked his soul mate straight in the eye as the final straw of fear left his heart and he dared trust the world again.  
  
"And I love you, Severus Snape!" Harry whispered back and kissed his lover once more.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry had just finished his tender kiss when the door flew open and a witch he remembered only too well glided into the room.  
  
"Ah, finally I found you, Severus-dear!" she exclaimed loudly with a false expression of joy on her face. Harry stood up from the bed, trying to block the woman's view to the bed.  
  
"Rita Skeeter!" he growled through gritted teeth: "What the hell are you doing here?!"  
  
"What am I doing here?? I'm to take a picture of the baby for the Daily Prophet of course!" she whined and waved with a little magic pocket-camera.  
  
"Get out of here," Severus whispered. He tucked the little one closer to his chest.  
  
"You heard him!" Harry said: "GET OUT!" The witch seemed to think of her options for a moment and then her face broke into an evil smile.  
  
"I don't think so," she said: "The public has the right to know that Severus Snape is harvesting his old Master's evil offspring! It is my duty to warn innocent people of the evilness and danger that child contains!" Harry wanted to jump forward and strangle this horrible woman threatening his family. But he knew that would only make things far worse. With all of his effort he tried to calm down.  
  
"You will write nothing of that," he said and smiled as calmly as he managed: "because none of that is true." Skeeter started to laugh. Her high-pitched squeals made her sound like a pig.  
  
"You amuse me, Potter- you really do!" she snorted and took one step forward: "But I need to ask you to step aside now, I have a picture to take!" Severus shifted nervously in the bed as he tried to cover the little one as best he could.  
  
"You'll have your picture," Harry said calmly. Severus gasped.  
  
"Harry, what are you doing?" he whispered desperately.  
  
"Shush, love! Rita Skeeter will have her picture, and she will also have the true story with it. You see, Rita, this baby is not the heir of Voldemort, nor is he related to that monster in any way. This sweet baby-girl is Severus' gift to me, his soul mate. I'm her father, not Voldemort. He had nothing to say in the matter." Rita Skeeter's big jaw dropped and she halted for a moment.  
  
"Rita Skiteeh, what are yeh doin here?!" Hagrid was crouching in the doorway with murder in his eyes. "I thaught I smelled a rat!" He ducked into the room and behind him Madame Pomfrey, Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall appeared, equally angry. Harry actually felt sorry for the witch for a moment.  
  
"I just heard the good news!" The voice of Ron came from the doorway and was soon followed by its owner and Hermione.  
  
"You!" He spat as he joined the line amongst the others. Hermione looked at the woman with utter disgust, but remained silent for a change. She took Ron's hand. Harry started to laugh. He saw the witch shrink as the others closed in on her like a long hunted prey and he thoroughly enjoyed himself.   
He had a look at Severus and saw a small smile play with his mouth also.  
  
"I don't believe you, it's a conspiracy, a cover up!" she panted as she span around to see if she wasn't attacked somewhere she wasn't watching.  
  
"There's no way the two of you could be soul mates!"  
  
"No?" Harry smiled: "Then I wouldn't be doing this?" He bent down and kissed Severus sweet lips. And Severus answered him with great longing and even put his hand around Harry's neck and pulled him closer.  
  
"Aaaaw, you're so sweet together!" Hermione sounded like she'd just seen some adorable bunnies with tiny pink ties on them. And Rita Skeeter certainly took the opportunity to take advantage of the situation no matter how cornered she was. The flash from the magic pocket-camera struck like lightning several times. She obviously could see a new story taking form. Hagrid lifted her easily up from the ground and threw her out:  
  
"And stey outh!" he said and closed the door behind him.  
  
"Thanks Hagrid!" Harry said and gave the big man a hug. It felt nice to be almost squashed in the embrace of the half giant again no matter how grown up Harry considered himself.  
  
"I'm so happy for the two of yeh!" he gruffed and patted Harry heavily on the head: "And I'm so glad to see yeh awake, Sevrus!" he said and dried a big tear from the corner of his eye. He looked down on the little bundle in the corner of Severus' arm and a big smile lit his face. "She's a beauty, ain't she! She has yer eyes, Sevrus." Severus blinked and looked like he was about to cry himself.  
  
"Do you want to hold her, Hagrid?" Harry asked. Hagrid looked at the little one with longing eyes:  
  
"Oh no, I'd probably squish her or sometin."  
  
"Nonsense," Severus barked and gestured for Harry to take the baby. Harry did as he was told and carefully placed the tiny girl into the massive hands of the weeping half giant. He looked at her as if it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen and cried some more. The others closed in around him and also had a look at the baby. Although they had already seen the baby, they acted as if it was the first time what so ever.   
  
Harry sat down beside his bonded and smiled as they watched their closest stand around Hagrid, ooohing and aaaawing at the baby's every sound and move.  
  
"I don't think we will have any problems with baby-sitters," he said as he took Severus' slender hand in his. Severus' face dissolved in a pure smile, a smile that involved all his heart and soul, and in that precise moment   
Harry knew he wasn't cursed. He was truly blessed! No matter what the future would bring, as long as he could spend it with this man there would never be any doubt in his heart again.  
  
*-*  
  
Harry had exactly ten seconds worth of solitude. As he thought there could be no more trouble ahead mother fortune ambushed him once again.. Behind them there was a crash, and in the door none other than Sirius Black scrambled in looking very tired, complete with suntan.   
  
"I jumped on the nearest broom as soon as I heard!" he panted and crossed the floor in two gigantic leaps, ignoring completely the little crowd standing around Hagrid: "You have no idea how hard it is to find a decent fireplace on Hawaii! And that owl you sent me, Minerva, was the laziest feather-ball I've ever seen!" He stopped dead, right in front of Harry and got a bewildered look on his face as he seemed to remember his old fights with Snape. They had fought at the same side during the war, but neither Sirius nor Severus were, to say the least, on speaking turns. And now Sirius looked like he was about to blow a fuse as he turned his fiery gaze towards the man in the bed.  
  
"Now, how is it exactly you got impregnated by my godson, if I may ask??" Severus literary shrunk there he lay in his bed.   
  
"I'm sorry, Sirius I didn't mean it to happen!" he more or less squeaked as he looked like he was trying to evaporate in front of his very eyes.   
  
"Sirius!" Harry exclaimed and tugged his sleeve: "How nice to see you! I was meaning to write and tell you about all this, but I sort of forgot.. I've had a lot on my mind lately." Albus stepped forward and patted Sirius on the back:  
  
"But now you're here, thanks to Minerva, so how about you come greet the daughter of your godson?" Sirius looked from one to the other like they both were talking some weird foreign language from Southern Arabia or something like that. Then he sighed and rubbed his neck with a big palm.  
  
"OK, is it just me or have I stepped into the twilight-zone here?? The last time I was here, some five months ago, everything was just fine. Harry was a completely normal eighteen years old boy. Snape was his usual old nasty MALE self, besides what I at the time believed was a nasty case of the flu. And there were no signs what so ever I would return four months later to find my godson the father of the child of the very Potions Master he's loathed and hated for years! Can someone PLEASE explain to me what the hell has happened since I left??!" He bumped heavily down on a chair nearby Severus' bed.  
  
"That's a long story.." Harry said fidgeting nervously. He had never thought of the old rivalry between the two men. And by the looks of Sirius he hadn't forgotten his old grudge about Severus. Severus by the way was remarkably quiet. He would usually jump at any chance to spit some snide remark in Sirius' way. But then there wasn't much left of the old Snape in him any more. Harry had to make his godfather see that somehow, but he was stamped for ideas. Right now he could only watch them and hope Sirius didn't throw himself at Severus' throat.  
  
"You have every right to be angry at me, Sirius." The voice came from the bed, calm, rusty and a tad nervous: "I've tried for so long to keep Harry's destiny a secret, but on the battlefield of the final day destiny caught up with me. Here I had been trying to hide my dirty secret for six years so that Harry would grow up to have a choice, but one single curse from Voldemort made my efforts scarcely wasted." Sirius looked at him with a blank face and everybody in the room held their breaths as Severus continued.  
  
"He cast the Legravata Simouron-curse on me, in one last desperate attempt to continue his legacy, his bloodline. He realised just seconds before he died that he had failed, that my heart and soul was bonded, that I could carry but one's child… Harry's."   
  
  
"Wait a minute!" Sirius gasped: "Are you saying that you and Harry are…"  
  
"Soulmates, yes." Severus answered calmly: "I knew it the very first night I lay eyes on him. And I knew the very same instant that I had to fight against it. There was no way I could justify to engage in a relationship with a twelve-year-old boy. What ever you believe I am, Sirius I would never forgive my self if I did that." Hermione started sobbing in the background and Hagrid soon joined in with an enormous blow in his hankie. Sirius still looked at Severus, not revealing his feelings.  
  
"But faith took a nasty turn on me when I was hit with this irreversible curse. I tried to hide it, as long as I possibly could, but Harry- of course- found out when I was about five months pregnant. He didn't find out that he was the father right away, but it didn't take him to long. He was distraught by the news. He'd always seen me as a filthy and nasty human being that always came down on him like a fire-breathing dragon. And now he had to cope with the idea of being the father of this very man's child and even the fact that this miserable git was his soulmate."   
  
"Please don't refer to yourself in that way!" Harry said and sat down by the bed: "I don't see you like that anymore." Severus smiled against his young soulmate as a single tear found it's way out the corner of his eye.  
  
"Harry and I have travelled a long journey this past few months and I've been granted more than I've ever dared to dream about. But I do understand that this is hard for you to believe Sirius. If I were you I wouldn't either. We never took the chance to get to know each other when we were young, something I regret deeply. I beg your forgiveness for what I may have done in the past and only hope you will accept it, from the bottom of my heart." Severus' voice trailed off at the end, he was obviously tired after the speech. Now Albus joined the sobbing-choir and even Minerva seemed to have trouble hiding her emotions. Sirius gave his old fiend one long, searching stare. Then he turned his gaze towards Harry and continued his stare.  
  
"Are you happy, Harry?" he asked. No fury, no smile, just searching. Harry took a deep breath before a big smile erupted on his face, making his green eyes sparkle.  
  
"Yes I am!" he answered curtly as he grabbed Severus' hand to confirm it. Sirius looked at him in silence some more, then at Severus and then sighed.  
  
"Maybe your heart isn't as dark as I want it to be, Severus," he said slowly, with pain on his face: "Maybe I've been too fond of disliking you to bother looking beneath to see what truly hides inside you. If that is so I am the one who should apologise.. There is something new about you which I've never seen before, I can see it now, plain as the day and I wonder if it's been there all the time and that I would have noticed if I looked close enough. I need time to adjust my self to this, I have to admit- but I also see the happiness you bring to my godson's face." He patted Harry's back and a small smile appeared on his face as dark eyes started to shine.  
  
"And I'm very proud of you, Harry. You've done exactly as I would expect from you in this matter!" Harry just smiled back- to aghast to find words to say. His heart was bulging with pride, love and fondness for this man who broke out from prison two years ago to protect his godson.   
  
"I think it's time you meet your new goddaughter!" he said and went over to Hagrid to get the tiny girl that was playing happily with the half giant's beard. There was a change in the whole presence of Sirius Black when the baby was placed in his arms. The magic of a tiny new life seemed to shake him head over heals.  
  
"She's adorable!" he whispered as a tiny hand locked around his pinkie: "I can see so much of both of you in her! What's her name?"   
  
"We haven't thought of one yet," Harry confessed as he sat down on the bed again besides Severus.  
  
"Well, actually…" Severus started innocently: "I have had one name in my mind the last couple of months.."  
  
"Oh? Tell us then!" Harry said with what seemed to be a chronic smile.   
  
" Sirina, it means "Light of Destiny"" " he said as a slight blush entered his face: "I guess it sounds a bit odd.."   
  
"No, I like it!" Harry kissed his hand: "She looks like a Sirina, doesn't she, Sirius?"  
  
"Yes," the man goggling and making weird faces to the baby-girl agreed: "She definitely looks like a Sirina!"   
  
*-*  
  
So it was settled then. From that moment the baby's name was Sirina. She was a girl destined for doing great things in her life, as her fathers. And although she had some hard years ahead of her filled with prejudices and dislike from the ones who didn't know her- she always had her loving fathers to back her up and to give her all the love and comfort her heart could desire. And Harry and Severus? They both found the love they were destined, and spite the harshness they met in the wizarding-society they lived a happy life. They grew stronger together, nothing could separate their hearts. And if the world sometimes seemed evil and unfair they always had the friendship and trust from their closest friends from Hogwarts and Harry's and Sirina's godfather. Sometimes love finds a way, even when all hope is abandoned…  
  
^End^  
  
So.. was there really anyone out there actually believing I would KILL Severus?!? Well I hope you liked the ending of my little "saga". I couldn't bare to kill off poor Sev. after all he'd been through.He deserves all the happiness he can get! :) 


End file.
